Self Harm Doco

*The following post and video may be triggering to those who are experiencing self harm urges. Please stay safe and if you are at all feeling at risk please contact someone*

Lifelife Australia: 13 11 14

Alternatively contact your nearest emergency department.

I don't often post twice in one day but this one couldn't wait until tomorrow.  This video was tweeted by someone I follow and it's a great insight into self harm.  There are stories from a person who self harms, as well as professionals who work with them.  I really enjoyed listening to the information presented by all parties.  

I hope that it will reach someone who doesn't already know these things.  If it teaches just one person about self harm, then that is great.  It's possible to change the world, one person at a time. 

http://www.harmlesspsychotherapy.com/webbuilder/pages/Hurting_to_heal

For more information about the film project click here

Lingering Love

A post I read a couple of days got me thinking about blog linkys.  It got me thinking about the good and the not so good of them. It made me second guess whether I want to play along anymore.
 

I love the new blogs that I find via linkys. I love that they expose me to blogs that I normally wouldn't read. I love that they bring new readers to Musings of the Misguided.  The little community they can create is great as well. It can sometimes feel like you have your own little clique when you find the kind of linky that just 'fits'.
 

I've found and kept reading some great bloggers through linkys.  I keep reading those blogs through social media. It's easier to see a glimpse into a person's life when you read more than a few words strung together on a blog post.  A blog post can be a window into a life, it's up to the blogger how far open the curtains are.
 

The blog post that got me thinking, made a comment about how linkys make people comment just for the sake of commenting.  Linkys have rules. It would descend into chaos if it didn't.  It does make me uncomfortable though that something someone writes, that could be heart on the page material for them is being commented on people who are 'just following the rules'.
 

How many of us go back after reading a post that a person wrote, reaching out for help, to see how that blogger is traveling? I know I'm guilty of doing the comment and dash, none of us a perfect.  I really hate that a person could feel the 'love' of multiple commentors and then the echoing silence of people going back to their lives. Rules met.
 

I hate saying things for the sake of saying things. I don't like 'blowing smoke up your arse'.  If I am going to say something, I am going to mean it, it's not going to be fluffy.  I am so thankful for those who have stuck around. I have loved getting to know you all and I hope the feeling is mutual.
 

If you are a blogger to link up to linky parties? Do you love them or loathe them? 

The Physical Side of Mental Illness

It's no secret that having a Mental Illness is fucking hard. It takes over every part of your life, until you start to wonder where you end and the illness begins.  However what about the physical side effects. Not just the tiredness and lack of motivation, but the long term effects. The effects, that once you are stable on meds, still come back to bite you in the arse.
 

A lot of people who have a mental illness need to be on medication to stay stable. For some people they will be on that medication for the rest of their life.  These medications can have long term side effects.  These can include softening of the enamel on your teeth, restless leg syndrome and sensitivity to sunlight.  For these people there is no alternative. You take the medication that works the best with the least crappy side effects. 
 

Another swell physical side effect of many anti-psychotics is weight gain and increased appetite. Yep because I hate my body enough already without ballooning to twice my size while deep throating the entire bakery because you just never quite feel full enough. When I was on zyprexa I put on 10kg in 7days while still exercising and eating how I normally do. 
 

When you can barely drag yourself out of bed every day, and most days you don't then the finer points of personal hygiene fall by the wayside.  Teeth brushing falls to the wayside. Showers only when you need to leave the house. Food involves things that are easy to make, generally coming straight out of a packet. All of this, coupled with medication that softens the enamel on your teeth, means that a few years down the track your teeth are going to be shit.  No amount of making up brushing will stop it because your teeth are the only part of your body that doesn't regenerate itself.
When I felt myself on the cusp of letting go, I would go walking, late at night, barefoot. I didn't care about myself and the damage that it was doing at the time.  I would walk across glass, anything that would cause pain.  As a result my feet are now super sensitive. Even standing in good shoes for longer than 30 minutes hurts. It feels like my bones are bruised.
 

I have scars from my wrists to my shoulders. My arms are nothing but scar tissue. This makes a few things difficult. Taking blood was already a pain in the arse, now it's damn near impossible. Pregnancy was fun.  I can never escape the looks. I love summer but feel more comfortable in Winter. I can wear long sleeves, I look like any 'normal' person. I don't have to deal with people who think that I am blind and can't see them pointing at me.
 

Do you suffer from a Mental Illness or does a family member? What are the long term side effects that you have witnessed.

Unofficial Guide to Twitter

Image from here

Even though the title says that this a 'guide' to twitter, it's not one of your run of the mill do as I say guides. I'm not interested in telling you about the etiquette of twitter because quite frankly I don't give a shit what you feel the need to post on your twitter. If I don't like it, then I unfollow you. If it's really dodgy then I will block you so that you cannot follow me.  So if you feel the need to talk about that giant pimple on your arse then you go right ahead sunshine. It's your freaking timeline.
 

So can you stop waffling on and tell us what this damn post is about already?, I hear you ask. It's about making the most out of twitter for you. That's right it's all about you.  A lot of my friends don't understand twitter and find it quite boring. So that prompted me to write this little guide.
 

1. Find some real people to follow. Twitter is about conversation so if everyone you are following is a celebrity and never replies to anything you ask or say to them, then it's going to be pretty boring. If you want to find out more about celebrities, just save yourself the hassle and buy a trashy magazine.
 

2. Search for topics that interest you and you might find some tweeps that are interesting to you. There are over 2 million users on twitter. I'm sure you will find someone that tickles your fancy.
 

3. Don't be afraid to get involved in a conversation. Like I already said Twitter is about conversation so get put yourself out there. You might just find some new people with similar values and interests to follow.
 

4.  Follow some parody accounts. Life is already too serious, we all need a bit of humour in our day.
 

5. I know that I said that this wasn't a what not to do guide but this one has to be said. Don't click on those fucking links.  You know the ones you get via DM or from half naked chick telling you she saw a cute photo of you? Yeh them. Don't click on them because they will spam everyone you follow and that's really not good for making people want to continue to follow you.
 

What are your tips for people wanting to get the best out of twitter?

Commenting Made Easy

Yesterday Salz from Salz Dummy Spits wrote a great post about how to comment on a blog. It got me thinking about the other side of the coin.  What can bloggers do to help make commenting on a post that much easier?
 

1.  Firstly...get rid of damn capture. The codes are damn near impossible to read. When I get one fist go I feel like I have cracked The Da Vinci Code or something similar.  If it doesn't work the second time then I give up. I have a short attention span.  Like toddler short.  If you don't know how to get rid of it, I've gone to the trouble of googling it for you. http://www.ehow.com/how_12101876_rid-captcha-blog.html
 

2. If you have captcha, don't have moderation as well. It's just overkill. Do one or the other. Moderation is easier for everyone. You get to scan the comments before they go live and the people who want to comment on your blog don't have to jump through 1000 hoops to leave a comment. If things are too hard, people won't comment.
 

3.  Interact with the people who comment on your blog. If someone has asked you a question, or even taken the time to comment on your blog, make some kind of effort to reply to it.  It makes your readers feel included and that's how you start a community, by not being an Ice Queen who thinks they are holier than thou.
 

4.  Ask questions to get people involved.  I know that sometimes I don't know what to reply to a post beyond 'great post'. Talk about things that make your reader want to engage with you.
 

5.  Don't leave comments in moderation too long. I'm really bad for this because I forget to check moderation.  As a reader though I know how frustrating it can be to go back a day  later to a post that you have commented on, to find that your comment still hasn't appeared.  It can make you feel that the comment has been deleted or completely ignored on purpose. Or maybe that's just my paranoia.
 

As a commenter on blogs...what is your suggestion to bloggers to make things easier for you? What are your pet hates when you try to comment on a blog?

I must confess: I'm fucking scared of all this shit

I'm linking up with My Home Truths for I must confess this week.  I love that she gives a prompt each week or you can just go all gun-ho and confess your darkest secrets. Whatever tickles your fancy.  I'm fresh out of deep dark secrets so I decided to play along with this weeks prompt:  Fears and Phobias.
 

Emus: The damn giant flightless birds send a shiver up my spine.  When the zoo here first opened, the Australian animals were in an open enclosure that you walked through.  The kangaroo's and wallabies all laying around are cute.  The Emu, was not so much.  One trip, one followed me from one gate to the other.  I was around 3 at the time.  I've been petrified of them ever since.  The enclosure at the zoo has since been changed so that we are on one side and the emus on the other. I still walk through the place pretty damn fast though.
 

Cockroaches: They are slimy and even killing them grosses me out because they make that horrible crunching sound. 
 

Dentists: It took me 2 months of daily pain before I got the courage up to go get my tooth ripped out. Then she told me to come back the next day for more...yeh that wasn't going to happen.  It's not the pain, its the sounds. The drill freaks me out, especially when you can feel it grinding away your tooth. *shudders*
 

Needles: I don't faint at the sight of them or anything like that but I can't look at them. When I was 12 a nurse told me that if I didn't see the size of the needle then it wouldn't hurt as much. I've stuck to that rule ever since and refuse to look at the needle.  Ever. I will even close my eyes if it means I don't have to see the needle.  Yes the irony isn't lost on me.
 

Heights:  In grade 11 we had a leadership camp. It involved rock climbing and high ropes aka my own personal idea of hell.  I ripped open my hands helping people to climb the high ropes, just so I didn't have to do it.  I hate standing on a chair and usually get Devil Papa to change light bulbs for me. 
 

What are you scared of?

What not to say to someone who self harms

After reading the post Kate from Kate Says Stuff wrote about 5 things you shouldn't say to someone who is depressed it got me thinking about things that have been said to me why well meaning people.  Not about depression, but about self harm and being in hospital. 
 

Here is my list of things to not say to someone who has just self harmed and/or has found themselves in hospitial.
 

1. Why would you do that to yourself, there are people out there who have it worse than you.
This is one of my biggest pet hates around depression and mental illness.  People are always quick to remark that there is always someone out there who has it worse.  Do they not think that we are aware of that...sometimes there is nothing we can do, its all about a chemical imbalance.  Everyone has different levels of being able to cope. What may seem small to you, could be insurmountable to another person.  Don't judge them, they have enough guilt as it is.
 

2. You did this to yourself, so you don't deserve to be treated with respect.
This is more aimed at medical professionals and I use the term 'professionals' loosely.  There has been many times when I have be stitched or stapled without anesthetic. Or they have done it so soon after administering it, that it doesn't have a chance to work before they start stitching.  Contrary to small minded belief, self harmers do actually feel pain.  A small minded Dr refusing to use anesthetic is not the same as an act of self harm. 
 

3. People who self harm are people to be feared.
The key word in the term is SELF harm. We don't set out to directly harm others, we may indirectly hurt loved ones emotionally, but very rarely does an act of SELF harm involve another person.  I was removed from UNI housing as the UNI was afraid for the safety of other students.  Another example of how far small minded stigma spreads.
 

4. Why are you in the 'looney bin' it's full of 'crazy' people.
To put things a bit simply...in order to want to harm yourself to 'feel better' you have to kind of be a little bit crazy. Also, the other people in hospital are no different from your friend, they are lost like them. Their medication might have stopped working, or they fell into old habits and they found themselves at rock bottom again.  Hospital is a place to gather yourself, you won't be instantly better, but it helps to get yourself back on your own two feet.
 

5. I won't visit them or call them because they might want to be alone.
Don't make this assumption.  Hospital is a lonely place, the days seem to tick by so slowly.  There isn't much to do other than to be lost in your own thoughts.  At least not in the public wards I have been in.  Make a phone call. Sometimes even a 5 minute conversation can make someone feel like there is people out there who care about them.  Why is it that when someone is in hospital for a medical issue, people have no issue in going for a visit but as soon as someone is in the 'looney bin' then they are something that is to be feared.  Step outside your comfort zone and make someone feel a bit special.
 

What can you do to make your friend feel better?
The truth is there might not be much, but just being there, judge free can be enough.  Lending a listening ear and letting them know that they aren't alone.  

Listmania: Currently I am

On my usual morning social media read, I stumbled across a new linky party by Deb from Home Life Simplified. It's brand new for 2013 and has a new list of prompts each week.  The linky is open for a week so if you are a blogger then come along and join the party!

 This weeks prompt is Currently I am:

 Reading: I just finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  I quite enjoyed it.  I think I'll read a Janet Evanovich one next as I like to have a filler in between 'heavy' books.

Listening to: Napoleon. Devil Spawn has taken a liking to the movie. I'm just waiting for the disc to die from overuse.

Laughing at: The phrases that Devil Spawn comes out with. It's amazing seeing how his brain works when he comes out with some of the stuff he does! 

Swooning over: In light of the Breastfeeding debate that was sparked by a woman getting asked to leave a pool, the images of Ryan Gosling that are circulating. He thinks Breastfeeding is sexy ;)

Planning: I've gotten into the swing of the Menu Planning and it's actually working, most of the time.  

Eating lots of: Lattice Slice. It is yum yum and the recipe can be found here

Feeling: Completely overwhelmed...still

Discovering: Not everything is as it appears. It's better to to stabbed in the front by an enemy than stabbed in the back by a friend.

Looking at: Ways to improve the blog. Let me know what YOU want to see more of here 

Wearing: As little clothes as possible when I'm at home. It is ridiculously hot here at the moment. I feel like I am sitting in a giant pool of sweat, even at midnight.

Cooking: More meals that are easy, but still nutritious. Ones that also appeal to a fussy toddler are also winners.

Wondering: If I am taking the right steps to making 2013 my bitch. It feels like two steps forward, one step back at the moment. I will OWN it!

Trying out: A bit of goal orientated exercise with Kate and signed up for Operation Move. 

What are you currently....

 

How do you dine?

When you sit down to eat a meal, how do you eat?  Do you eat because it's simply a fuel, a sustenance that must be eaten as quickly as possible in order to get back to your life? Or do you like to sit and enjoy the flavours, let them roll across your tongue and enjoy each burst?  Are you distracted, doing 100 things as once while shoveling food in because it's 'time' to eat? Or do you try to make time to sit down and take a bite at a time, eating until you are full and no more?
 

Did you know that the French can spend hours eating one meal.  To the French a meal is about sharing conversation, enjoying each morsel of food and savouring the time they are spending together.  Dining is an experience, something that is to be enjoyed and shared with the ones you love.  Food is not simply a fuel, it is a way of life.  Food is intertwined into their life. However not in the way that other cultures (Australians included) center around the over consumption of processed and sugar rich foods.  The French rarely have processed food, the food is all about fresh produce and making things from scratch.   

When it is Devil Spawn and I at home, my dinner is usually consumed in front of the tv and computer. I hardly notice what I am eating and no doubt this has contributed to my weight gain.  On daycare days I usually only eat dinner as I just couldn't be bothered to eat lunch when it is just me at home. I have gotten to the point now that I can't sit and do one thing at a time.  The only time that I sit down to watch a movie without being on some form of social media is when my phone is flat or I am at the movies.  It doesn't make for a very enjoyable dining experience. It is nothing more than a 'it's dinner time' experience.
 

However when we go out to dinner as a family it is a whole different experience.  We usually get an entree or bread of some description and we actually talk, you know the real kind of talk that isn't just about crap.  We discuss the food, the atmosphere and how the textures make us feel.  When we order our mains we discuss and contemplate what we want. There is no rash decisions.  It must be painful for other people when they dine with us but we don't care.  We usually can't decide between two meals, so we order both and share. We make our dinner a sharing experience, we talk about the foods.  We take the time to enjoy the food and the flavours that go into making the food what it is.  It truly is a wonderful experience. Something that I really feel like we need to incorporate into our every meal.
 

How do you dine? Are you an eat and dash or do you savour the food?

Linking up with Grace from With Some Grace for Flog Your Blog Friday

Palmolive Review and Giveaway.

I received products from Palmolive in order to perform this review. All opinions are my own and are no way influenced by the gift of products.  Digital Parents Collective covered the administration costs of the review.

Pssst. I let you in on a little secret...I hate washing up with a passion.  In fact in the top 5 of household tasks I would happily never do again, washing up is right up the top.  So when I was asked to review the Palmolive dish washing liquid, I knew it had to be a good product to make washing up that tiny bit more enjoyable.  I received two different products, Antibacterial and Pomegranate.

Antibacterial

• Palmolive Ultra Antibacterial Dishwashing Liquid with Lemon Extracts fights germs on the sponge for a least 24 hours.  It contains natural antibacterial agents that combat unwelcome bacteria.
• By taking care of your sponge, Palmolive Antibacterial helps to thoroughly clean your dishes.
• Palmolive Ultra Antibacterial Dishwashing Liquid costs (RRP) $4.99 (750ml)

• Palmolive Ultra Pomegranate Dishwashing Liquid comes with a fresh and fruity Pomegranate scent to infuse your kitchen
• Its rich formula cuts through grease and leaves your dishes sparkling clean
• The perfect marriage of scent and shine
• A great accessory for the kitchen sink
• Palmolive Ultra Pomegranate Dishwashing Liquid costs (RRP) $4.99 (750ml)

I'll let you in on another secret. I hate washing up so much that if something looks too hard to wash up, I will throw it in the bin. This is the reason why I only buy cheap pots and pans. However Devil Papa bought me a set of pans for Christmas that were a little bit more than my usual $10 so I really hoped that the Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid worked as well as the hype it produced.

I really wanted to put the stuff through it's paces so I purposely (ok I was just lazy but it sounded good) left the pans and plates from dinner on the sink, without rinsing them, until the next morning.  We had steak, eggs and chips for dinner. All of it perfect for baked on stuff.  Here's the result.

 Lots of baked on goodness....

Once I was sure it was baked on enough, I started the washing up process. Something which I expected would need a lot of elbow grease and a scourer. I was pleasantly surprised.  The washing up took no longer than usual and I didn't have to use the scourer at all. Normally for baked on foods like the plate, I would have to soak it but I was able to simply wet the plate and then wash with a cloth.

 Something else that I was also impressed with was the amount of suds. Now some people will say that too many bubbles are a bad thing, not me. If it has lots of bubbles, to me it's doing it's job. Even though there was lots of bubbles, it didn't leave a slimy film on the sink and plastics like a lot of other dishwashing liquids I have used do.  It also didn't seem to clog up the cloth, so I was able to use to wipe down the benches after washing up.  Another surprising aspect was that there was still a large amount of suds after I had finished washing up. Previous products that I have used, the suds have all disappeared half way through the wash and it kind of feels like you are just washing up in water.

Now comes the fun part! Thanks to Palmolive I have 3 Antibacterial and Pomegranate Dishwashing Liquid packs to give away to my readers...that's right YOU!

To be in the running all you have to do is tell me the household chore you hate the most and why. The 3 entries that make me laugh or shake my head will be the winners.  

Entries Close on Thursday the 31st of January 2013 at 8pm AEST. Please make sure either your emails are visible on your accounts or include your email in your comment so I can get in contact if you are a winner.

Good luck! I look forward to reading everyone's entries!

Awards coming out my arse!

 

I'll admit when the link appeared on my Facebook Page, I was a little apprehensive. It kind of sounded like a virus lol.  Thankfully it was not, it was the beautiful Lee from Mother Load giving me a Liebster Award.  What the hell is that? you ask? Well...

 "The award  is given to support and recognise up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers (on their blog) or likers (on their Facebook page). The word “Liebster” apparently has German origins and is reported to mean sweetest,  kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome. By following some basic rules (answer 11 questions set by your nominee, write 11 questions of your own and pass the award onto 11other  bloggers to answer) it enables readers to get to know new bloggers and connect  with a wider audience."

All these people thinking I'm sweet and cute is really starting to mess with my rep but I won't say no to a chance at getting some other lovely bloggers recognised!

My Questions asked by Lee:

 1. Why did you start blogging? This questions is easy because I have already written a post about it!
2. How often do you post on your blog? It's usually a few days a week, averaging about 3-4.  I don't really have a schedule.
3. Beach or Mountains? Ooo this is a hard one, both a beautiful. I would have to say mountains though because I hate, hate, hate getting sand everywhere.
4. Country or City? Definitely city. I love being able to go and buy something and not having to take a mortgage out to do it.
5. Do you find blogging a chore or a joy? At the moment it is definitely a joy. I think when it becomes a chore it's time to take a break.
6. Have you ever considered giving up blogging? Not giving it up altogether no, but I have taken a few breaks when there just seems to be nothing coming out of my brain that is worth writing down.
7. What do you really want for Christmas? A nice smooth Christmas Day, with no arguments.
8. Boys or girls - which one is easier? I only have experience with boys so I can't really say which is easier.
9. Are you more creative or analytical? Analytical
10. Planner or just see what happens? Planner. I freak out if I don't know what the hell is going on.
11. The future of your blog? I'm just taking things as they come at the moment. I'm really happy with where I am heading and love getting my words out there.

My 11 Leibster Award Recipients:

1. Help!! I'm Stuck!!
2. RoboMum 
3. Just One More Chapter 
4. Ness of Boganville 
5. Oculus Mundi 
6. Present Imperfection 
7. Mrs D's Maunderings 
8. Little Oliver J 
9. My Ranty Pants 
10. One Mother Hen 
11. Make Me Up Mandy 

Questions for my Awardees!

1. How long have you been blogging?
2. What was the first Blog you read?
3. How did you come up with the name for your Blog?
4. Summer or Winter?
5. How do you start your day?
6. One thing you couldn't live without? 
7. If you were stuck on a deserted island, who is one person you would like to be stuck with? 
8. Your favourite indulgence food?
9. Do you blog to a schedule?
10. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?
11. Are you ready for Christmas?

Have fun! 

Boycott

Welcome to Reader's Choice Thursday again! The weeks are just getting away from me lately. I have started to write everything down so that I don't forget anything.  Phew so much to do, so little time.
This weeks winning Reader's Choice is 'Who I boycott and why'.
 

There are some companies that I avoid just because of their dismal customer service. Standing in a store for 20 minutes and receiving no help, is not the way to go about getting more customers through your door.  This company however isn't a boycott. If I need something and know exactly what I want, then I will go in there. 
 

However there is one store that I refuse to spend my money at.  I will not enter competitions held by them and would not accept marketing from them on this blog.  It is something that I feel that strong about.  What is this company you ask?  Gloria Jeans Coffee.  Now this isn't something that I came about because I had a bad experience with them but something reached because of research.
 

I wasn't aware of their partnerships until reading an article last year.  I was appalled and vowed to never shop there again.  Gloria Jeans have been linked to Anti-Gay campaigns and in 2012, in my eyes, this is just not acceptable.  In 2010, reporter Doug Pollard revealed that Gloria Jeans had donated $30,000 to the Australia Christian Lobby.  Upon questioning the Franchise of Gloria Jeans admitted to donating the money, but that they did not support the thinkings of of the ACL.  Why on earth would you donate then? We give money to things that we believe in, or have a place that is close to our hearts, or in a business sense, suit the persona that the business wants to show to the public.  I have no idea why a company in 2012 would feel it necessary to just throw money at a cause that they both don't believe in and had the potential to harm their business.
 

Gloria Jeans have also been linked to Mercy Ministries, an inpatient facility that provided treatment for women with 'life controlling issues'.  It was reported that these therapies also involved 'gay curing'.  In 2009, all Gloria Jeans stores displayed a collection box to raise funds for Mercy Ministries.  Mercy Ministries was allegedly closed due to violations of the trade act, it was only after this happened that Gloria Jeans stopped the partnership. 
 

There have been sites set up to help support those who have been effected by the Mercy Ministries, as well as a Boycott page that provides information in regards to the Anti Gay Movement. 
 

For more information check out these websites:

 http://boycottgloriajeans.com/

 http://www.mercysurvivors.com/about-2/

 https://www.facebook.com/BoycottGloriaJeans

Do you avoid any places? Is it more of a lack of customer service issue or something a bit deeper?

If you have a blog, please feel free to link up with your Reader's Choice.

 

What do you really wish for?

I'm joining in with #reverb12 Today's prompt is: What do you really wish for? 

This one has taken me all day to think about. I really don't know if I am any closer to having a clue, so I am just going to type and hopefully I will come up with an answer by the end of the post. So hang on tight for the random ramblings that has been my brain today. 

When someone asks me what I want my mind always goes blank. I can never think of anything. Even for things as simple as a birthday present. It is kind of like the age old, so tell me about yourself...ah well yeh I'm a woman and that's as far as I usually get. When thinking about what I really wish for, nothing seemed 'big' enough, significant enough. Everything felt like it was trivial and small.

Of course we all think of the world peace and end world hunger but I felt like this had to be something personal. Something selfish and just for me. We all wish for happiness for ourselves and for our family but that felt too mainstream. I needed something tangible, something that didn't feel so whimsicle. I didn't know whether to think of something that at this point in time was out of my reach (mansion anyone?) or whether to have something that was a little more attainable. Whether I should think of something I could achieve in 2013 or something that was going to take a lot longer than that. Something that would take one big effort and be done with or something that would require ongoing work. That's when it hit me. 

I knew exactly what I wanted to wish for. My mojo and my enthusiasm for life. It will need a lot of work but it will be worth it in the end. It's something that will have a flow on effect to all parts of my life. At the moment it requires a lot of effort just to get out of bed in the mornings. There is no energy or motivation left for anything else. My energy comes in small bursts and I try to take advantage of it. These bursts seem to be few and far between. Tomorrow is my first appointment with a new psychologist. I am hoping that it will be the first step towards getting my mojo back.

Since When

Today's post is a guest post. It's bought to you by one of my friends Sarah. She wants to have a bit of a dabble in Blogging so be kind :)

Sarah is currently on leave from my wonderful job to raise my daughter from a teeny tiny bub who decided that Christmas was too fun to miss out on last year and surprised us by arriving 2 months early.

Welcome to my first post. Thank you to Musings of the Misguided for hosting it for me.

I had been thinking about putting fingers to keyboard for some time, and have decided to bite the bullet.

So many things lately have made me ask “since when?”. None more so than the treatment of a lady who tried to create a space for women, by women without the fakeness of those popular women’s mags.

So here we go...

Since when did we start becoming a bunch of bullies who think it’s fun to bucket crap on someone just because they made a typo? Oh wait, that’s thanks to social media like Twitter and Facebook. Yes, Facebook has it’s merits, but I’m yet to understand Twitter. Limited characters, misconstrued meanings...

Since when did we start thinking we are entitled to Freedom of Speech? It’s Australia people. It’s not in our constitution. FoS is an American constitutional right, not an Aussie one. If you think someone has taken away you’re free speech, toughen up, princess and blog about it.

Since when did it become okay to teach our children that it’s acceptable to be rude, bigoted, ignorant people? IT’S NOT OKAY! I swear it seems worse than it did back in the 50’s and 60’s. And it’s just getting worse every day. I don’t know what the solution is, but I’m trying to teach my LO acceptance and tolerance. Manners have just gone out the window. There is a distinct lack of discipline that only started in the last 10 to 20 years. Please and thank you, please people!! And a simple “excuse me” wouldn’t go astray either.

Since when was it acceptable to threaten someone in any way, shape or form? It’s not cool people. Get over it. Grow up.

And one more, just to lighten the mood a bit...

Since when did Christmas card stamps start coming in packs of 20?? Normal stamps come in packs of 10, so why not Christmas card stamps too? Argh, it did my head in yesterday, because I only needed 10 and because they weren’t a pack, they weren’t self adhesive and I may have had to lick them, if not for the wet, squishy thingo they have at the post office.

Thank you to all who stuck with it and read it until the end. Thanks again to Tegan and Musings for hosting this for me.

Maybe I’ll start shedding a bit more light on what goes on in this overactive, yet mummy-addled brain of mine.

Confrontation

It's Thursday again and you know what that means....it's readers choice.  This week was a bit of a curly one and I really struggled with how to approach the writing of it.  I didn't want to write and comment on a story that wasn't mine but I still wanted the person to feel like I had acknowledged their choice.  Normally I just sit down and write but this one needed and deserved some more thought.
 

This weeks reader wanted to know if she should confront a family friend.  I first started with pulling apart the situation and trying to provide an answer.  However it just didn't sit right with me that I was making comment on this person's life.  I just didn't feel like I had the right.
 

So with all of that aside I decided to write a post about confrontation. Good old confrontation. We love to hate it.  Me, I hate it and avoid it like the plague.  Confrontation rarely makes me feel 'good'. It rarely resolves anything for me. If anything it makes me stew more.  It makes me hate myself that little bit more.  I go over the situation again and again, thinking of ways that I could have made it different.  Thinking of things that I could have done differently. 
 

I have trouble expressing my emotions appropriately. I have never made a secret of that.  I tend to go all guns blazing then feel bad for it later.  I take a point and run with it.  Most of the time it's the right thing to do, sometimes it's not.  It's easer to get caught up in the moment, to get caught up in other people's opinions and make rash decisions.  It's something that I need to work on. I have fire. I know that, and anyone who knows me well knows that I am passionate about a lot of things. 
 

Like I said, I avoid confrontation like the plague.  There is a lot of things that I could do differently.  For one, letting things fester is not good. This usually ends with me getting angry and saying the first thing that comes to my head.  I try to pose my argument without swearing but once I get past the point of seeing red, then it usually results in me just telling the person to fuck off. 
 

Before confronting someone we really need to take a step back from the situation and assess if the confrontation is worth it.  Will you talking to the person about their behaviour make the situation better or worse? It's sometimes hard to take a step back when you are in the thick of a conflict but it can really be beneficial in saving a relationship, if you wish to.  You have to think about the situation and whether it is something that you think will continue to come up and cause conflict or if it is something small that you will be able to look the other way about.  Only you can make that decision.  Different things affect different people in different ways.  What is no big deal to you, might be hurtful or irritating to another person. 
 

Confronting a person, if done in a positive way, with thought for their feelings as well can result in a compromised situation for everyone involved.  Talking 'to' a person instead of 'at' them can go a long way to helping them understand your feelings towards an action.  Going in gunho about what you want and not listening to what the other person has to say, always has the result of them getting defensive.  It's human nature that when we feel 'attacked' we either fly or fight, both of which aren't reactions that are conductive to a positive outcome. 
 

What are your confrontation techniques? Do you avoid it like the plague too? Has confronting someone ever gone completely pear shaped despite your best efforts?  

Epidemic

*The following post may be triggering to those who are struggling with self harm thoughts. Please make sure you are feeling safe before reading.*

If you or someone you know is contemplating hurting themselves please get in contact with a GP, go to your closes ED or give the wonderful people at Lifeline a call.

On 60 minutes on Sunday, they did a story on Self Harm. I will admit that I was apprehensive about it and didn't actually watch it until it was available online. After I knew that other people had watched it.  After I knew whether they had portrayed it in an understanding light.  I just knew that I wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with it, if it was anything else.
 

I've made no secret of the fact that I have self harmed in the past.  It is something that I deal with on a constant basis. It is something that I will probably deal with for the rest of my life.  Was it easy to stop? No. Not at all.
 

Self harm has been toted as 'attention seeking' among other derogatory things.  Things like that do nothing for the shame and guilt that someone who self harms or has self harmed feels.  The worst comments I have received have actually been from 'professionals'. The pearlers have been when presenting to the local Emergency Departmet with injuries that needed medical attention ranging from 'so', 'you know you're doing it the wrong way' to when presenting with self harm thoughts and not actions 'just come back when you've done it'.  Emergency Departments are the first port of call for mental health patients and really need to be trained in ways to deal with these patients. Psychiatrist Professor Graham Martin talks about it during his interview.
 

"I hear of therapists running away. I hear of people in hospital running away. Nursing staff who can’t face up to somebody who has cut themselves deliberately. Because they’re not important, and they did it to themselves, and they’re just attention seeking. I don’t believe any of that. I think when somebody goes to these lengths, they need help."
 

One of the most common questions asked of someone who self harms I think is "What made you think to pick up something to hurt yourself with".  There is no one moment when you think oh yep this is what I am going to do. It is something done out of desperation, of feeling like there is nothing else that will work.  When I started I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would still be struggling with urges 10 years later.  That 10 years later, whenever things get shit, it is my first port of call.  One of the girls interviewed for the story I think sums it up perfectly.
 

" I don’t remember why I chose self-harm. The chaos and the feelings that were all trapped inside my head got to a point where I needed something."
 

I was quite impressed with the way that the story was portrayed in such a sensitive way.  It didn't poke fun or minimise the behaviour in anyway. I just hope that this story was able to reach a few people, to help them understand.

60 Minutes Story

Mouth Sewn Shut

Unless you have been living under a rock then no doubt you would have heard or read about the Charlotte Dawson Saga.

Some people are saying she brought it on herself, that she should have just ignored the trolls.  But should she really have?  

All of the 'bully chats' when I was at school told us to ignore the bully. They just want attention. They just want a reaction from you.  It will be better if you ignore it.  Is it really?  None of my recollection of being taunted from school is that ignoring them is good.  I'm a stewer, I sit on things until I explode.  Clearly ignoring it doesn't work.  

It's really kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.  It all depends on your inner workings.  If you can turn something off and not think about it again, then go with the ignoring option. If not, then do what works for you.

I'm kind of a blow it all out in the open kind of person.  If someone has the 'balls' to say something nasty then I call them on it.  If they act one way in private and completely different way in public, then I call them on it.  I try to stand by the thought of 'If you wouldn't say it to their face then don't say it online.'  If you are so 'proactive' in letting someone know what you think about them, then why the need for secrecy.  

This week my brother was suspended.  One of the reasons given was that he kept having outbursts at other students when the were saying stuff to him on the sly.  So in short, he got suspended for sticking up for himself.  My mum brought this up with the teacher....apparently what he is doing is worse.  So again, in short standing up for yourself against bullies is worse than the bullying itself.  No wonder the rate of teen suicide is so high.

If you or someone you know is being bullied and doesn't know what to do please contact either Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36

Life Lessons

During one of my many inpatient stays in 2007 one of the nurses sat me down to share with me his Life Lessons.  I am so glad that he wrote them down as there was no way that I was in the right frame of mind to take it on board.  Times like this I’m also glad I am a bit of a hoarder so I still have the book it is written in.

I was in a pretty bad place and I didn’t care about myself or anyone around me. I just wanted out and I wanted out now.  This compassionate nurse was one of many who tried to reach me and I will be forever grateful.

Lesson 1

All humans have a fundamental goal to be happy.  I can be happy.  

Lesson 2

I can recognise that the people in my life also have a goal to be happy.  Therefore we must be flexible, negotiate, compromise, collaborate and cooperate.  We all deserve to have life = win/win not lose/lose or win/lose.

Lesson 3 

I must not carry baggage from my past.  It is not hat happened to me that counts just my reaction that matters.

Lesson 4 

Keep life simple. Do not complicate life by overloading, creating conflict and trying to meet the expectations of others.  

Lesson 5

Be like the water not the rock.

Be flexible, tolerant and accept change.

I be enlightened (know the truth) closes your mind to all other possibilities.

Nothing is certain

Nothing is forever

No one has all the answers.

I still struggle daily with lesson 3 and 5.  I have a horribly good memory for all things negative.  They eat away at me every second of the day.  

One rule that he didn’t write down but I still remember is to removed the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary.  The word ‘should’ promotes guilt and a feeling of negative self worth.  

Do you have any life lessons? What’s one rule you have for yourself that you will never compromise on?

Scars remind me that the past is real

Image from here

It's no secret that I have a history of self harm...I have evidence from my wrists to my shoulders.

I'm not ashamed of my scars....but I'm not proud of them either...contrary to popular belief.

Most of them I can tell you a brief story of how it got there...the superficial story anyway.

I often forget that they are actually there...I've lived with scars for so long that they are just part of me...much like a birthmark or freckle would be for someone else.  It always throws me off when people ask me what happened.  My stock standard answer is "It's a long story" aka mind your own fucking business.  Most of the time that works....others are just too nosy and I end up walking away.  

If I do tell you what happened...don't think that I will do any harm to you...that's why it's called SELF harm.  I have no intention on physically hurting anyone else except myself.

Self harm can be all consuming and is much like an addiction.  Before you know it, you are doing so much damage to yourself in one session that it repulses most people...you hardly blink an eye.

Self harm is not an attention seeking venture.  It's a way to make the inner turmoil into something physical. Physical problems are much easier to deal with.

If you or someone you know has the urge to self harm please call someone.  It can be a family member or a friend.  Alternatively if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone close to you, there are numerous help lines to call.

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Victoria Suicide Helpline: 1300 651 251

Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (these guys were a huge amount of help to me as a teenager)

You can also call your local hospital and ask about a crisis line.

If you are in immediate danger please call 000 or get yourself or the person who is threatening self harm to your nearest Emergency Department.