Musings of the Misguided: What do you really wish for?

I'm joining in with #reverb12 Today's prompt is: What do you really wish for?

This one has taken me all day to think about. I really don't know if I am any closer to having a clue, so I am just going to type and hopefully I will come up with an answer by the end of the post. So hang on tight for the random ramblings that has been my brain today.

When someone asks me what I want my mind always goes blank. I can never think of anything. Even for things as simple as a birthday present. It is kind of like the age old, so tell me about yourself...ah well yeh I'm a woman and that's as far as I usually get. When thinking about what I really wish for, nothing seemed 'big' enough, significant enough. Everything felt like it was trivial and small.

Of course we all think of the world peace and end world hunger but I felt like this had to be something personal. Something selfish and just for me. We all wish for happiness for ourselves and for our family but that felt too mainstream. I needed something tangible, something that didn't feel so whimsicle. I didn't know whether to think of something that at this point in time was out of my reach (mansion anyone?) or whether to have something that was a little more attainable. Whether I should think of something I could achieve in 2013 or something that was going to take a lot longer than that. Something that would take one big effort and be done with or something that would require ongoing work. That's when it hit me.

I knew exactly what I wanted to wish for. My mojo and my enthusiasm for life. It will need a lot of work but it will be worth it in the end. It's something that will have a flow on effect to all parts of my life. At the moment it requires a lot of effort just to get out of bed in the mornings. There is no energy or motivation left for anything else. My energy comes in small bursts and I try to take advantage of it. These bursts seem to be few and far between. Tomorrow is my first appointment with a new psychologist. I am hoping that it will be the first step towards getting my mojo back.

Labels: aha moment, asking the right questions, reverb12, staying well

6 Comments:

At 3 December 2012 at 18:17 , Alison said...: Great big wads of cash. Money may not solve all your problems, but a cleaner, driver, cook, daily masseuse, no mortgage stress and holidays when I feel like it would sure go a long way towards it.

Yeah yeah count yer blessings blah de blah de blah. Been doing that my whole life. Have enough character for four people. NOT saying I am poor, have been poor. Just want to be rich, like all the other people who don't deserve it. And I would at least share :D
At 3 December 2012 at 18:39 , Ang said...: my wish is bland but for it to come true means that I would have much less stress in my life and might actually have a chance of being happy with where my life is at. there are things I could do to help my financial situation but would mean I would have less energy to deal with children and my partner.

All I wish for is for Mic's crohns and his medication to be stable enough for him to be able to work consistently. not necessarily full time, just consistent.

the next part of my wish is for him to quit smoking weed - this is a slow and ongoing process of us both seeing the same psychologist at different times.

my wish is slowly coming true but I remember way back when I was working, I would get those chain emails that if you don't send to so many people that it wouldn't come true. well a lady I worked with would send them on because she was so paranoid/superstitious. me?, well I would send the minimum to those who I knew they didn't annoy. so basically my wish was what is written above and Mic didn't get diagnosed with crohns until 7yrs after his symptoms started, 7 yrs after I had started to make those wishes for him to get better. that 7 yrs that it said it would take for my wish to come true because I only sent it to 'this many people' maybe I should have sent those emails to more people lol ;)
At 3 December 2012 at 19:22 , Ness said...: You know, I really get what Alison is saying because what I really wish for is similar to you, as well as wanting that illusive cure for cancer. So what I really need is money frankly. There is nothing I can really do towards a cure besides donate cash. And in order to get my mojo back (or kick my anxiety up the arse) I need treatment with a psychologist. Which I can't afford without that ataps scheme thingy and I just found out my shrink doesn't do that anymore. Gah. So I'm all for the great big wads of cash too.
At 3 December 2012 at 20:30 , Mumabulous said...: The fact that you blog shows me that's there's some mojo left in you. Harness it!
At 4 December 2012 at 09:36 , Alison said...: I'm so sorry your shrink has made it impossible for you, but you should maybe shop around and see if you can find someone else who bulk bills? I guess that is what the ataps scheme is? I didn't know it was called that, just know I never had to pay thank goodness!

I do know how anxiety inducing the thought of having to find someone else to talk to might be, I am struggling just to talk myself into going to the doc this week to get a prescription, but I hope you can find someone else to help. Bit disappointed in your psychologist that they would move the goalposts on you like that to be honest :(

Yes, money does solve some problems. And I am willing to try dealing with any that it brings with it :)
At 4 December 2012 at 19:02 , Ness said...: Thanks for the reply Alison. Yes, I am thinking of finding someone else, but I've already been to four different shrinks in the last five years. In spite of this I basically had to figure out an Aspergers diagnosis for myself and ask for it. So, slightly over it all. Sigh.

What do you really wish for?

Musings of the Misguided

Monday, 3 December 2012

What do you really wish for?

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