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Confrontation

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Confrontation

It's Thursday again and you know what that means....it's readers choice.  This week was a bit of a curly one and I really struggled with how to approach the writing of it.  I didn't want to write and comment on a story that wasn't mine but I still wanted the person to feel like I had acknowledged their choice.  Normally I just sit down and write but this one needed and deserved some more thought.
 
This weeks reader wanted to know if she should confront a family friend.  I first started with pulling apart the situation and trying to provide an answer.  However it just didn't sit right with me that I was making comment on this person's life.  I just didn't feel like I had the right.
 
So with all of that aside I decided to write a post about confrontation. Good old confrontation. We love to hate it.  Me, I hate it and avoid it like the plague.  Confrontation rarely makes me feel 'good'. It rarely resolves anything for me. If anything it makes me stew more.  It makes me hate myself that little bit more.  I go over the situation again and again, thinking of ways that I could have made it different.  Thinking of things that I could have done differently. 
 
I have trouble expressing my emotions appropriately. I have never made a secret of that.  I tend to go all guns blazing then feel bad for it later.  I take a point and run with it.  Most of the time it's the right thing to do, sometimes it's not.  It's easer to get caught up in the moment, to get caught up in other people's opinions and make rash decisions.  It's something that I need to work on. I have fire. I know that, and anyone who knows me well knows that I am passionate about a lot of things. 
 
Like I said, I avoid confrontation like the plague.  There is a lot of things that I could do differently.  For one, letting things fester is not good. This usually ends with me getting angry and saying the first thing that comes to my head.  I try to pose my argument without swearing but once I get past the point of seeing red, then it usually results in me just telling the person to fuck off. 
 
Before confronting someone we really need to take a step back from the situation and assess if the confrontation is worth it.  Will you talking to the person about their behaviour make the situation better or worse? It's sometimes hard to take a step back when you are in the thick of a conflict but it can really be beneficial in saving a relationship, if you wish to.  You have to think about the situation and whether it is something that you think will continue to come up and cause conflict or if it is something small that you will be able to look the other way about.  Only you can make that decision.  Different things affect different people in different ways.  What is no big deal to you, might be hurtful or irritating to another person. 
 
Confronting a person, if done in a positive way, with thought for their feelings as well can result in a compromised situation for everyone involved.  Talking 'to' a person instead of 'at' them can go a long way to helping them understand your feelings towards an action.  Going in gunho about what you want and not listening to what the other person has to say, always has the result of them getting defensive.  It's human nature that when we feel 'attacked' we either fly or fight, both of which aren't reactions that are conductive to a positive outcome. 
 
What are your confrontation techniques? Do you avoid it like the plague too? Has confronting someone ever gone completely pear shaped despite your best efforts?  

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5 Comments:

At 8 November 2012 at 06:42 , Blogger ann said...

Nicely done Tegan. I avoid confrontation unless I am completely in the right and have all my facts straight.

 
At 8 November 2012 at 08:27 , OpenID mrsdsmaunderings said...

I'm a lot like you..don't like it overly. But unfortunately it's a necessary part of life..as I've gotten older I've become better at speaking my mind, as I find if I don't the only person that suffers is me.

 
At 8 November 2012 at 09:29 , Blogger Ronnie Wellings said...

Even now, at my age, I avoid confrontations wherever possible. I've found it so much easier to just keep the peace and let things slide. Living through a 'bad divorce' and it's repercussions made me realise that 'having a go' at someone doesn't really work, it only riles you up even more. Yes at times I'd love to just 'let go' but I've also learned not to bottle up my emotions. BUT if someone is wrong or doing the wrong thing by my family I will let them know!!! But not in an arrogant way like I used to. I've found being nice really get's to people who are in the wrong. I've learned to smile when I am forced to confront someone, hard as it may be, but it does seem to get the message across.
I'd just rather avoid it wherever possible and live my own life, my way

 
At 11 November 2012 at 15:07 , Blogger Alison Dennehy said...

I had a whole comment written up on assertiveness and blah de blah and realised I was being boring as fuck and lecturey, so decided just to shut the hell up and say, nice post.

 
At 17 November 2012 at 09:17 , Blogger retrogoddess said...

As I approach my forties, I have become so much more at ease with confrontation. Still not a fan of it, but I can't tolerate BS anymore.

 

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