Self Harm Doco

*The following post and video may be triggering to those who are experiencing self harm urges. Please stay safe and if you are at all feeling at risk please contact someone*

Lifelife Australia: 13 11 14

Alternatively contact your nearest emergency department.

I don't often post twice in one day but this one couldn't wait until tomorrow.  This video was tweeted by someone I follow and it's a great insight into self harm.  There are stories from a person who self harms, as well as professionals who work with them.  I really enjoyed listening to the information presented by all parties.  

I hope that it will reach someone who doesn't already know these things.  If it teaches just one person about self harm, then that is great.  It's possible to change the world, one person at a time. 

http://www.harmlesspsychotherapy.com/webbuilder/pages/Hurting_to_heal

For more information about the film project click here

Stigma Within Stigma

Stigma.  It's everywhere and it affects everyone. Mental illness still in the 21st century is clouded by stigma. There are people suffering in silence because they believe asking for help is a sign of weakness. Imagine having your head filled to the brim with despair and disorder and having no where to go. The removal of stigma around mental illness has come such a long way in the last 20 years but we still have so much further to go.  

Amongst the mentally ill there is still stigma. I've lost count of how many times I have said to myself that I need to keep my mouth shut, need to buck up and deal with it. This is something that I have been dealing with personally for 11 years. Yet I still tell myself the same thing that I hate hearing from others.  Things that I would never say to anyone else. 

Self harm has a whole different level of stigma.  It's a stigma within a stigma.  Even those who suffer from a Mental Illness, who engage in activities that many think are outlandish, ideas that stray from the norm, see people who self harm as some kind of person to be revered.  There have been many conversations that I have been involved in, in an inpatient facility where other patients have struggled to see the need and desire behind the action of harming oneself. 

Society sees people drinking to excess, and almost turn a blind eye.  It's seen as people blowing off steam, almost a societal norm.  They are seen as coping mechanisms, nothing more.  People who drink to excess every weekend are 'ok'. However they are doing the same thing that people who self harm are doing.  Hiding the pain, replacing it with something else.  Yet people who physically harm their flesh are seen as monsters, attention seeking and sometimes just plain stupid. 

Self harming is a coping mechanism. It's a dysfunctional one, I will admit, but it is one nonetheless.  However with so much stigma around it, people are covering it up, pretending it doesn't exist.  Why NEED to talk about this.  We NEED to say it's ok to tell someone that you aren't coping.  We NEED to treat the symptom not the behaviour.  A person who self harms is not a monster, they are simply reaching for help when their words don't work.

Personal Planner Review and Giveaway

I received one $40 to create my own personal planner.
 

I'm a self confessed stationary addict. I buy a new notebook, pen or some other piece of stationary at least once a week.  When I was offered the chance to try out the great new notebooks offered by Personal-Planner, there was no way that I could pass it up! 
 

                                         Personal Planner

I received my voucher via email with easy step by step instructions on how to activate it.  The whole process took less than 30 seconds and I was off, ready to create my personal planner.  The website was super easy to navigate with clearly set out site map.  The design process was broken down into each section of the personal planner.  It was simple to apply a component, check how it fit and undo if it didn't quite look right.  There was a multitude of page colours and designs to choose from. 
 

There are four sizes to choose from Small, Medium, Large and A5.  I chose a medium planner so that I could fit it in my bag. I was pleasantly surprised when the planner arrived and it was a reasonable sized square shape, leaving room in my bags diary pocket for pens and other accessories.
 

One of the best parts of the Personal Planner is that you can custom design the front and back covers.  If you are super creative you could upload a drawing. If you are like me and don't have a drawing bone in your body, then there is the option of uploading photos.  I was able to use photos that I had taken with my phone.  The website did warn me that the photos may not be high enough quality but they turned out great.  The website also gives you the option of a block colour with writing if you prefer something a little more simple.
 

The personal planner diary pages can also be designed to suit your needs.  You can include lines in the note space, as well as a to do list at the bottom of each page.  There is also the option to include your own key personal dates.  You can start the diary at any time of the year and it still runs for a full 12 months.  This makes it great if you need it for the financial year rather than the calendar year.  There is also the option to custom design the pages after the diary entry pages.  I included lined space, a yearly overview and table space.   

 I love the feel of the Personal Planner and the pages are made of heavy, quality paper.  The front and back covers are also covered with a plastic overlay to protect the great designs from damage.  Each planner also comes with an elastic closure in your choice of colour, a plastic sleeve and a ruler. 
 

Upon submitting my order, I was told that delivery could take three weeks.  I was then pleasantly surprised when the order turned up in my mail box after only 2 weeks.  I have ordered custom items in the past so I was extremely happy with this turn around.  I can't wait to start using it!
 

Have you got diary envy yet? I've got some great news for you then!  I have one voucher to create your very own planner for one lucky Musings of the Misguided reader.  All you have to do to enter is answer one simple question.  The best answer, chosen by me, will win the voucher. Entries close 7pm AEST on the 6th of April 2013.  Sorry guys Australian entrants only.
 

What's one thing that you would include in your custom designed planner?
Terms and Conditions
1. All decisions are final.
2. Competition begins 7pm AEST on the 23rd day of March in the year 2013 and closes 7pm AEST on the 6th day of April in the year 2013.
3. Each entrant is permitted to enter the competition once only.  Entries will be identified by email addresses and duplicate entries will be removed.
4. Competition is open to Australian residents only.
5. The winner receive one voucher to be redeemed at www.personal-planner.com.au/AU
6. The prize is not redeemable for cash.

How to be a Hot Mummy Blogger

I'm a mummy blogger. I kind of fail at it most of the time because I think this whole motherhood caper is mother trucking hard.  I write the occasional recipe and household 'tip' aka how to avoid it and why I hate it so much.  Really the only thing that makes me fit the old stereotype mold of mummy blogger is that I have a child who is along for the joy ride. 
 

Anyone who knows me also know that I pretty much fail at the whole fashion thing too. I take comfort over looks.  When a fabulous tweeter said she was going to blog about her OOTD. I of course asked what it was (only stupid question is the question unasked right) and it turned out to be Outfit Of The Day.  So of course, who better to educate you on the fashion of a mummy blogger!?
 

First off...according to all sources 'Mummy Bloggers' do nothing but sit in front of their computer all day, lamenting about how awesome they are at parenting while leaving their child to fend for themselves.  This of course means that we are heading for something that is comfy and can enable you to sit on your rear end all day.
 

Some camps may indulge in the sarong or the singlet and 'yoga' pants.  The only yoga my yoga pants have seen is trying to contort myself to find the malteaser that's gone AWOL at some stage between my hand and my mouth.  My old favourite and sure to bring all the boys to the yard is my halter dress that has lost all of it's elastic.  Devil Papa says the sexiest thing about the dress is that one of the girls are always bound to come out and say hello. It's a sex symbol and comfy, what more could I ask for!?
 

The hair of a 'Mummy Blogger' is something that other peeps are totes jealous of.  It has a faux birds nest appeal that most others pay thousands in their local salon for.  A 'Mummy Blogger' has the joy of stepping out of bed to achieve this toddler walk fashion.  Picture if you will, grey regrowth pulled back into a pony tail or a becoming messy bun that screams abstract creation.  Many have tried to recreate this look but have only achieved a cheap knockoff.
 

A 'Mummy Blogger' doesn't subscribe to the pressures of society and instead prefers to go about her business as a fresh faced, breath of fresh air.  If she ever finds herself at the receiving end of an invitation that requires more than a fresh face, panic surely ensues.  It usually involves a quick scope of YouTube videos on how to apply a face that doesn't involve remnants of your child's food.
 

Shoes of course are optional. You don't need shoes to sit on your but at a computer all day. However if being a mother starts to interfere with your 'Mummy Blogging' career then thongs will suffice. If you want to be classy get some with some diamonte detail on top.  You'll be the envy of every one at the playground.
 

What are your fashion must haves? Do you tend to go for comfort over looking stylish?

Pressure to Procreate

As a woman, it's always expected that you will want to procreate.  That your one mission in life, eventually is to be a mother.  I remember in high school my friends talking about the names they had picked out for their eventual babies. I didn't feel the same and while I didn't have a life plan, kids didn't really feature in the image I saw of myself. 
 

You would think that once you are 'with child' that they pressure would stop. That society would think, 'ok she's made her contribution, we'll stop hassling her now', but that couldn't be further from the truth.  The minute you have one child, everyone is wondering when you are going to be giving them a brother or sister. Labeling you as 'cruel' if you tell them that your child will be an only child.  In fact one of the cards I received when Devil Spawn was born had the sentiment 'he's gorgeous, can't wait until you have another one'.  I had pushed this baby out a mere week earlier and the pressure had started.
 

Let's talk about what is cruel shall we, about the reality of being pregnant and unmedicated.  Hormones already do strange things to normally rational women. Add to that a Mental Illness that can't be medicated while pregnant and you have a recipe for disaster. I was, for lack of a better term, bat shit crazy while pregnant.  I would go from crying, to screaming in a matter of minutes.  Poor Devil Papa didn't know what to expect or how to handle it.  I could not bring myself to knowingly put Devil Spawn through that. 
 

I use what little motivation I have most days on Devil Spawn. I don't think that I could spread it over 2 or more children.  Am I still being cruel for being happy to stop at one child? It is cruel to realise my weakness and work with what I have? No it's not. I know my limitations and Devil Spawn will always come first.  I know that if it did happen, I would somehow make it work but I would never knowingly try for another child because society has this notion that it's 'cruel' for a child to grow up alone.
 

I say it's cruel to bring a child into an environment that can't cope with it. It's cruel to have a child not because you want one but because it's the norm. It's cruel to bring another child into a family that is already struggling.  It is not cruel to realise that you have reached your limits and that you know you can give everything you have to one child, but will struggle with two. It is not cruel if having one child means that they will have a better life, will get what little their mama can offer them at this time.  A little spread over 2 is even less. I love Devil Spawn more than I thought it was even possible to love another human being and if I had my time again I'd do it all the same.
 

How many children do you have? Do you still feel the pressure to keep popping those bubbas out?
Are you childless by choice and feel the pressure to procreate?

Jo-Baz Hair Colour Remover Review

I received one Jo-Baz product to review. All opinions are my own.
 

I have already tried the Jo-Baz straightening product so when I was given the opportunity to trial the colour remover I was excited.  I have been dying my hair since I was 15. I was 'gifted' the awesome family genes that meant I started going grey at 13.  Now at 24 I'm all salt and pepper.  In the past I have gone with blue black as a favourite colour, which of course meant that it was next to impossible to go anything lighter.  My one attempt at doing a home job of going lighter resulted in me having bright red roots and no change the rest of my hair.  Going lighter was something I trusted to the professionals.  My last hair dressing appointment took 4.5 hours to lighten and redye, so I was a little skeptical when this product boasted being able to remove colour in the same amount of time as a hair dye.

  This is what my hair looked like when I started. The last colour that I put in was a Burgundy, which went from a nice purple to a kind of washed out reddish brown within a few weeks.

  According to the Jo-Baz website the Hair Colour remover works on the artificial dye molecules in your hair by shrinking them and allowing them to be washed away.  It is great for that colour that doesn't quite look how you want it or for when you want a quick change.  It is available in Normal and Max Strength.  Normal is used for medium tones, while Max is used for darker tones.  The product that I used was the Max strength.
 

When reading through the instructions I was surprised with how straight forward it seemed. I wondered if it would be that simple.  I was thankfully pleasantly surprised.  It was in fact much easier than putting a dye through my hair.  There were only a few simple steps and I was all finished in about  an hour.  Normally a hair dye takes me close to 45 minutes just to apply!
 

For the rinsing out the colour remover the instructions stated to take 5-10 minutes depending on the length of your hair.  It was 5 blissful minutes of standing under the shower, no interruptions, alone. Letting the shower wash over my head.  It was definitely my favourite part of the process.
 

This is the colour that I was left with. I did notice as I was rinsing out my hair that it was quite dry on the ends. I think if the product included a conditioner, like the hair dye packs do then this would easily combat this.  It actually did my oily roots some good thought so it wasn't all bad.  I was quite happy with the results and would gladly use it again if I had a colour mishap.
 

Do you dye your hair often? Have you had any dismal results of home dye jobs?

Generalisations Can be Harmful to Stigma: Psychiatric Hosptials

After BB posted the link to the article of a person's account of their friends stay in a psychiatric hospital, it got me thinking. If you would like to read the article then it can be found here.
 

I really struggled with the gross over generalisations that were made in this article.  Things that could easily be seem as scare mongering.  Imagine being a person whose psychiatrist has suggested you have some time in a psychiatric ward and you read this article. It's likely to make you shy away from even thinking of the prospect.  Being inside a psychiatric facility isn't easy, it's far from it but that is because you are working on issues that are plaguing your mind, stripping yourself bare and starting again. A psychiatric facility is sometimes the only safe place that you can do that.
 

I get the impression from the article that the writer's friend was in a private facility. Something that I have no experience with.  There were somethings in the article that did ring true for a public hospital but they were still gross generalisations.  I have seen patients who looked like walking zombies.  These patients were violent when not medicated. I have also seen these patients months down the track, once the medication is settled and they are a completely different person. They have gone from a person with delusions, suicidal behaviour, someone who couldn't function in society, to someone who you could sit down and have a conversation with. They are someone who can string words together. They are the good outcome of the psychiatric facility. 
 

Comparing the modern day facilities to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is just the tip of the iceberg.  While some nurses and doctors really shouldn't be in the profession anymore as their passion is gone, this is no reflection on the end result that a stay in a psychiatric ward strives for.  The author saw a glimpse in a persons journey.  She had no idea how far they had come or how far they had to go. 
 

The comments of the writer about her friend being 'normal' except for needing to be in a psychiatric facility are extremely harmful for the fight of stigma removal. Everyone is 'normal' until they suffer from life event that renders them helpless.  There is no shame in needing to be hospitalised. 
 

‘Everybody hates being here. People talk about killing themselves, not because they want to die but because they want to get out of the hospital’, said my friend Julie.
 

I have no idea on the amount of times that I have been admitted but I would say it would be over 20 times.  Some of these stays have been for a month at a time.  Not once have I seen a patient express these words.  I do wonder if they have been twisted. It was a common thread amongst depressed patients that they just wanted to get 'so that they could kill themselves' and so the hospital kept them in. It was not the hospital itself causing these thoughts, but the depression. They were already suicidal before coming into hospital and saw the people who were trying to help them as one more road block to their desire to be gone from this world.
 

The author of this article has no medical training, and yet commented on the medications that her friend was allowed to take.  The Drs and Nurses in a psychiatric facility want things to run as smoothly as possible.  They are not there to make your life difficult (even though it may seem like it when you are being admitted) but to keep you and the other patients safe.  They will give you the medication that will fit your medical needs. Just because one med worked for another, does not mean that it will work for you. 
 

This whole article just did not sit right with me, especially being from the friend of a friend in a psychiatric facility's perspective.  She was an outsider looking in.  She had no idea the issues that the other women were facing, or why they looked scared and unsure.  It can be pretty daunting to go into a strange place, even without suffering a mental illness. Add to the mix anxiety and you are bound to get a few people who look like a deer caught in headlights.  It may have come across more realistic if the friend had written it.  Seeing a glimpse of a ward, during visiting hours is not the same as staying in the ward.
 

The article has really done nothing to help the stigma that people feel about the 'looney bin'.  It saddens me that in 2013, we are still facing such close minded views. Views of those people who are looking from the outside, and get to go home to their cookie cutter life at the end of the day, not realising the damage that their words have done. 

You can keep your bandwagon

The trouble with being on social media is that you see every single bandwagon there is to be jumped on.  I admit to jumping on a few, when they interest me or are something that I feel strongly about. What I don't like is being persecuted because I don't want in on the joy ride.  I chose what I want to be outraged about, I don't need your opinion forced on me.
 

The latest outrage, if my twitter feed is anything to go by, seems to be the word Cunt. Apparently as women we need to start reclaiming this word.  In simple terms the word cunt is used as a derogatory term for the female anatomy. So a feminist movement has started, saying that we need to reclaim this word from the men.  What if we never lost it in the first place?
 

It's a word, a word has as much power as you give it.  It may seem simple, but it's true.  If I call you a cunt, chances are that I kinda like you.  If I want to insult you I'm usually a little more inventive.  It's not really a socially acceptable word, so if I feel comfortable enough around you to use it, then chances are I count you as one of inner posse.
 

I very rarely use the word Cunt as a derogatory term.  When I do, I'm usually talking about a bloke and I'm not calling him a giant vagina.  My meaning is that well, he's really not a person that is worth my time. Just like reclaiming this word.  I've never lost it.  I just don't give it the power that other women do.  Cunt is certainly not the worst thing I have been called, far from it.  Maybe though that is because well I just don't see the badness of it anymore.
When I was a teenager I hated the word, thought it was vile.  Now? I just use it as an extra swearing describing word.  It kind of makes conversations seem a little more exciting. To me anyway.  The sentence 'The person was a little bit naughty so he needs to go over there, away from me', just doesn't sound the same without all of the describing words.
 

 So I won't be reclaiming the word in the name of feminism or any other cause because well I don't give the word the power that others do.  To me it's just another word.
 

What are your thoughts on the word cunt? Hate it, love it, or really couldn't care less?

The Physical Side of Mental Illness

It's no secret that having a Mental Illness is fucking hard. It takes over every part of your life, until you start to wonder where you end and the illness begins.  However what about the physical side effects. Not just the tiredness and lack of motivation, but the long term effects. The effects, that once you are stable on meds, still come back to bite you in the arse.
 

A lot of people who have a mental illness need to be on medication to stay stable. For some people they will be on that medication for the rest of their life.  These medications can have long term side effects.  These can include softening of the enamel on your teeth, restless leg syndrome and sensitivity to sunlight.  For these people there is no alternative. You take the medication that works the best with the least crappy side effects. 
 

Another swell physical side effect of many anti-psychotics is weight gain and increased appetite. Yep because I hate my body enough already without ballooning to twice my size while deep throating the entire bakery because you just never quite feel full enough. When I was on zyprexa I put on 10kg in 7days while still exercising and eating how I normally do. 
 

When you can barely drag yourself out of bed every day, and most days you don't then the finer points of personal hygiene fall by the wayside.  Teeth brushing falls to the wayside. Showers only when you need to leave the house. Food involves things that are easy to make, generally coming straight out of a packet. All of this, coupled with medication that softens the enamel on your teeth, means that a few years down the track your teeth are going to be shit.  No amount of making up brushing will stop it because your teeth are the only part of your body that doesn't regenerate itself.
When I felt myself on the cusp of letting go, I would go walking, late at night, barefoot. I didn't care about myself and the damage that it was doing at the time.  I would walk across glass, anything that would cause pain.  As a result my feet are now super sensitive. Even standing in good shoes for longer than 30 minutes hurts. It feels like my bones are bruised.
 

I have scars from my wrists to my shoulders. My arms are nothing but scar tissue. This makes a few things difficult. Taking blood was already a pain in the arse, now it's damn near impossible. Pregnancy was fun.  I can never escape the looks. I love summer but feel more comfortable in Winter. I can wear long sleeves, I look like any 'normal' person. I don't have to deal with people who think that I am blind and can't see them pointing at me.
 

Do you suffer from a Mental Illness or does a family member? What are the long term side effects that you have witnessed.

The truth is better than any story

I've shared with you all before that I have been in jail before.  I was there for 2 months. Two long months.  Two months is certainly long enough to know what the routines are, what is expected and to miss the things that you take for granted in the 'outside world'.  It's this experience that makes me pissed off when I see people make flippant remarks about how 'easy' criminals have it in jail.  It's certainly easier for a lot of people than being out on the streets, but it's certainly no walk in the park.
 

I won't go into what I did to end up in jail in this post because it's all in the post I have made before.  For ease of conversation however I will say that my crime is categorised by the law as a violent crime. Even though I had no intention of hurting anyone but myself, the law likes to put everything in nice, neat little boxes.  I was refused bail and spent three days in a watch house.  I went to court once in that time.  So it is with great interest that I watch news programs talk about the 'injustice' that celebrities (if you could even call them that) receive when they are taken into custody.
 

Stripping from head to toe in front of two officers is horrible, you feel disgusting but it's a necessary part of the custody process. While some officers may take their role a little too seriously, this act is not done with the sole purpose of humiliation, despite what the sensationalised media will tell you.  It's necessary to protect both yourself and the people you will be sharing a cell with. Yes there is a high chance that you will have to share.
 

What are they looking for? Contraband.  Once again if you listen to the media then this only stretches to drugs. It's not. It's anything that can be used as a weapon, both on yourself or someone else.  It includes things like belts, shoelaces, drawstrings, any belongings on your person as well as the more obvious things such as drugs, alcohol and tobacco.  These things are not taken off you to make your life more difficult on purpose, they are there to protect you.  Everyone goes into the cell with the same thing, stand over tactics are reduced this way.
 

Another aspect that makes me roll my eyes is the idea that prisoners get 3 hot meals a day.  The meals might be hot when they leave the kitchen..an hour before they are served to the prisoners but they are definitely not hot when they are consumed.  Ever eaten pasta when it's stone cold? It's like eating glue.  Far from the five star treatment that the media would like to lead the public to believe.  If you live in the residential area, you must get a job so that you can pay for your own food and cook it.  Before you get scared about the prisoners being out amongst the public, these jobs are things like mowing the prison grounds, working in the kitchen, jobs within the jail. 
 

For a few of the prisoners that I shared a section with, them being in jail is better than their life outside.  They have somewhere to sleep, food is definitely coming and they don't have to deal with abusive family members.  It's easy to be grateful for little when you are used to nothing.  

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT

I must confess: I'm fucking scared of all this shit

I'm linking up with My Home Truths for I must confess this week.  I love that she gives a prompt each week or you can just go all gun-ho and confess your darkest secrets. Whatever tickles your fancy.  I'm fresh out of deep dark secrets so I decided to play along with this weeks prompt:  Fears and Phobias.
 

Emus: The damn giant flightless birds send a shiver up my spine.  When the zoo here first opened, the Australian animals were in an open enclosure that you walked through.  The kangaroo's and wallabies all laying around are cute.  The Emu, was not so much.  One trip, one followed me from one gate to the other.  I was around 3 at the time.  I've been petrified of them ever since.  The enclosure at the zoo has since been changed so that we are on one side and the emus on the other. I still walk through the place pretty damn fast though.
 

Cockroaches: They are slimy and even killing them grosses me out because they make that horrible crunching sound. 
 

Dentists: It took me 2 months of daily pain before I got the courage up to go get my tooth ripped out. Then she told me to come back the next day for more...yeh that wasn't going to happen.  It's not the pain, its the sounds. The drill freaks me out, especially when you can feel it grinding away your tooth. *shudders*
 

Needles: I don't faint at the sight of them or anything like that but I can't look at them. When I was 12 a nurse told me that if I didn't see the size of the needle then it wouldn't hurt as much. I've stuck to that rule ever since and refuse to look at the needle.  Ever. I will even close my eyes if it means I don't have to see the needle.  Yes the irony isn't lost on me.
 

Heights:  In grade 11 we had a leadership camp. It involved rock climbing and high ropes aka my own personal idea of hell.  I ripped open my hands helping people to climb the high ropes, just so I didn't have to do it.  I hate standing on a chair and usually get Devil Papa to change light bulbs for me. 
 

What are you scared of?

Pong Iphone Case Review

I received one Pong Iphone case for the purpose of this review.  All opinions are my own.
 

When I first read about the Pong case, I admit I was skeptical. Which in turn meant that I had to try it for myself to find out if the case lived up to the hype created by the makers.  I was expecting a quite big case that was pretty ugly but was pleasantly surprised.  While the case was a bit heavier than normal Iphone cases, it wasn't clunky or ugly.  The case comes is available for use with Iphone, Ipad, Blackberry and Samsung and comes in 7 different colours. 
 

Pong Research boasts "Pong Research is the first and only maker of technologically advance Smartphone and Ipad cases that improve device performance and protect users against cellular and WI-Fi radiation.  Compared to standard Smartphone and Ipad cases, Pong's cases have been proved in independent laboratories to improve reception, increase range, conserve battery life, accelerate download and upload speeds and reduce a user's exposure to electromagnetic radiation by up to 95% below international safety limits
Developed by a team of PhD scientists trainted at MIT, Princeton, Harvard and the University of Manchester, all Pong cases are embedded with a multi-patented antenna system that redirects electromagnetic radiation that would otherwise be absorbed by the users' head and body"
 

Included in the package was a screen protector and a micro fibre cloth.  The micro fibre cloth was great. My Iphone has been in a case since I bought it, which means that I have a lot of dirt built up where the case and the phone meet.  The cloth just wiped it straight off. 
 

I have never had a screen protector on my phone. In fact mine came with one and I took it off. They always seem to bubble and make it harder to use touch screen.  So I was skeptical to put the screen protector on and didn't really want to.  When I put it on, I was pleasantly surprised.  The screen went on seamlessly and the only place that it bubbled was around the crack I have near the top of my screen. In fact when I tried to take the screen protector off, I struggled to remove it as I couldn't find where it started! 
 

I can't accurately comment on the decrease in radiation exposure as, like a number of other housewives, I don't have a radiation detector laying around the house. I seem to have every other strange appliance, but sadly not a radiation detector.  What I can comment on however is the battery life and reception.
 

It's no secret that the Iphone has awesome capabilities but crappy battery life.  Unfortunately from what I could tell, this case didn't change that.  With normal use, the battery power was much the same as it always is, crappy. I was disappointed as I am always looking for ways to avoid having to charge my phone multiple times a day.
 

Since the floods, Telstra reception has been pretty dodgy so I was anxious to find out if the case improved the reception and was happy to find that it did! Lately the mobile internet has been closer to dial up speed and extremely painful to use. You really don't notice how much you use your internet on the phone until you can't.  While I had the case on I was able to access social media, netbank and the all important bus timetables.  It really makes life so much easier.  I was impressed too that I had more bars of reception out at Devil Papa's place than I normally do. Making internet access that little bit less painful.
 

If you want to pick up your own Pong Smarphone or Ipad case check out www.pongmobile.com.au or your local Platinum Communications Kiosk in Westfield Shopping Centre Australia-wide. RRP from $49.99 AUD.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT

Loose Lips

Everyone knows that alcohol loosens your lips...but should it loosen your hips.  I call my vodka my 'liquid courage', it helps me say the things that I am just too damn afraid to say.  

Some people may say I am obnoxious...that is only if you find yourself at the end of my accusing eye. I take everything in, ruminate on it, save it up for a rainy day. So you know if I have a 'go' at you about something, I have been thinking about you, for a long time.
 

Alcohol is no excuse. I have done some stupid stuff while drunk, stuff that I am not proud of. It doesn't change the fact that, I CHOSE TO DRINK. Some people seem to struggle with this.  They are happy to lay blame on a liquid. 
 

It seems to have become socially acceptable in our society to act like a complete douchehog every time there is even a drop of alcohol in our system.  This needs to stop. You may feel like I am preaching from some 'high' place. I am not. I am just someone who is struggling to come to terms with the decisions they have made.  People that I have decided to allow into my life. People that I have since cut off.
 

Where is your line? I used to think that mine was pretty clear. Turns out it is not.  I let people act in ways that I wouldn't normally accept. I was lonely and didn't want to lose friendships.  It came to the point where I had to choose between the safety of my son and my friends.  Despite my struggles, my son will win every time.
 

Alcohol is no excuse. Ever. If you don't want to be accused of shitty behaviour, then don't act shitty. I have been trying to live up to my 'resolutions'. I have since added another. It's about not just sitting around and bitching, its about doing what needs to be done. So far I have accomplished that. I feel much more complete from doing something rather than sitting back and letting the evil prosper.

Trashy Tv is good for you!

I've made it no secret that I enjoy a bit of trashy television.  With posts about vjazzling and lingerie football, I really couldn't hide the fact.  Everyone's definition of trasy tv is a little bit different. Some people think Neighbours is trashy tv, these people *cough cough* Devil Papa *cough cough* are also glad that looks can't kill.
 

To me trashy tv is something you can watch, without really watching.  You know you 'shouldn't' but after a shitty day, you just need to relax, unwind and not have to think for another minute.  Enter trashy tv. I'm talking about the Jersey Shores and Snog, Marry, Avoid of the television world.  Something that you can watch from any point and not have to really know a 'back' story.  They also kind of make you feel a little more smart.
 

I very rarely watch the news.  It's too sad for me and I prefer to filter the news myself. Thirty minutes of nothing but despair, is not my idea of fun. Nor is it a good way to increase my Mental Health. People may think that it is kind of head in the sand approach, but I don't care. Sometimes we need to do things to protect ourselves.  Instead of the news I watch The Simpsons. It makes me laugh and it entertains Devil Spawn, it's really a gift that keeps on giving.
 

Watching trashy tv really has an indulgent factor to it. All day we are bombarded with images and messages that we 'need' to do things to better ourselves, things that use our brain.  Some days though, we just need to switch off. We need down time to let our brain recoup, especially after a long day of kid or career wrangling.  I like to set myself up with my laptop, after Devil Spawn has (finally!) gone to sleep and lose myself in good old no brain needed television. 
 

I also love a bit of crime shows that make me think.  It's all about balance and realising when you need timeout.  Our brains can't cope with constantly being switched on, it needs down time too. We start to feel physical effects after prolonged periods of adrenaline...if something as simple as watching half naked Brits with no fashion sense can help, then who is anyone to begrudge you that indulgence.
 
 Linking up with Jess for #IBOT
 

Do you like a bit of Trashy Tv? What do you do to give your brain a bit of down time?

What not to say to someone who self harms

After reading the post Kate from Kate Says Stuff wrote about 5 things you shouldn't say to someone who is depressed it got me thinking about things that have been said to me why well meaning people.  Not about depression, but about self harm and being in hospital. 
 

Here is my list of things to not say to someone who has just self harmed and/or has found themselves in hospitial.
 

1. Why would you do that to yourself, there are people out there who have it worse than you.
This is one of my biggest pet hates around depression and mental illness.  People are always quick to remark that there is always someone out there who has it worse.  Do they not think that we are aware of that...sometimes there is nothing we can do, its all about a chemical imbalance.  Everyone has different levels of being able to cope. What may seem small to you, could be insurmountable to another person.  Don't judge them, they have enough guilt as it is.
 

2. You did this to yourself, so you don't deserve to be treated with respect.
This is more aimed at medical professionals and I use the term 'professionals' loosely.  There has been many times when I have be stitched or stapled without anesthetic. Or they have done it so soon after administering it, that it doesn't have a chance to work before they start stitching.  Contrary to small minded belief, self harmers do actually feel pain.  A small minded Dr refusing to use anesthetic is not the same as an act of self harm. 
 

3. People who self harm are people to be feared.
The key word in the term is SELF harm. We don't set out to directly harm others, we may indirectly hurt loved ones emotionally, but very rarely does an act of SELF harm involve another person.  I was removed from UNI housing as the UNI was afraid for the safety of other students.  Another example of how far small minded stigma spreads.
 

4. Why are you in the 'looney bin' it's full of 'crazy' people.
To put things a bit simply...in order to want to harm yourself to 'feel better' you have to kind of be a little bit crazy. Also, the other people in hospital are no different from your friend, they are lost like them. Their medication might have stopped working, or they fell into old habits and they found themselves at rock bottom again.  Hospital is a place to gather yourself, you won't be instantly better, but it helps to get yourself back on your own two feet.
 

5. I won't visit them or call them because they might want to be alone.
Don't make this assumption.  Hospital is a lonely place, the days seem to tick by so slowly.  There isn't much to do other than to be lost in your own thoughts.  At least not in the public wards I have been in.  Make a phone call. Sometimes even a 5 minute conversation can make someone feel like there is people out there who care about them.  Why is it that when someone is in hospital for a medical issue, people have no issue in going for a visit but as soon as someone is in the 'looney bin' then they are something that is to be feared.  Step outside your comfort zone and make someone feel a bit special.
 

What can you do to make your friend feel better?
The truth is there might not be much, but just being there, judge free can be enough.  Lending a listening ear and letting them know that they aren't alone.  

Don't be a dickhead

Over the last two days, the Rockhampton region has received close to 500mm in rain.  It rained non stop for the last two days.  My backyard looked like a swimming pool. Thankfully my house is built up a little bit or I would have been fighting the water out of my house. Many people in the region were.  The large amount of rain in a short amount of time meant that essential services were lost to some regions. Some areas lost electricity and water.  The the worst happened...the internet died.  If it had happened on the 21st of December I am sure it would have caused a panic of epic proportions.  Instead it just caused boredom and no outlet to voice our frustrations.  Nearly 24 hours without internet = Longest. Day. Ever.
 

There is something about rain, that just brings out the morons.  It's like the rain fertalises the one brain cell they have and they decide they need to be heroes.  Much to the dismay of the Emergency Services.  Every time there is a flood, the Emergency Services need to say over and over again 'If it's flooded, forget it' and still people don't listen.  In the 2011 flood, there were so many rescues that just wasted precious resources that could have been used to help those who were genuinely in trouble. Not the people who decided they were above the law and that the signs were for pansies. 
 

Picture from here

If you can't see the road, chances are that it's too deep to drive over.  Even worse, there might not be a road there to see.  Yesterday a young boy had to be rescued from raging flood waters because him and his friend were playing in the water and he fell in.  Children need to be educated on this! Adults need to make them aware of the dangers, there is so much debris and there is no knowing how fast the current under the water is flowing.  What could look like a calm river on top, could be a fast flowing death trap underneath.  A child, even an adult is not strong enough to fight a river that is a full force. 
 

Please for the sake of your loved ones and the loved ones of the people who risk their lives to save you, just don't risk the flood waters.  It's not the end of the world if you don't reach your destination on time.  It may be a huge inconvience, but it's better than your loved ones receiving the phone call that no one wants to receive. 
 

During this time the Facebook page CQ Flood Updates has been an absolute godsend and a wealth of information in keeping locals and their families up to date on what is happening with the floods. 

Palmolive Review and Giveaway.

I received products from Palmolive in order to perform this review. All opinions are my own and are no way influenced by the gift of products.  Digital Parents Collective covered the administration costs of the review.

Pssst. I let you in on a little secret...I hate washing up with a passion.  In fact in the top 5 of household tasks I would happily never do again, washing up is right up the top.  So when I was asked to review the Palmolive dish washing liquid, I knew it had to be a good product to make washing up that tiny bit more enjoyable.  I received two different products, Antibacterial and Pomegranate.

Antibacterial

• Palmolive Ultra Antibacterial Dishwashing Liquid with Lemon Extracts fights germs on the sponge for a least 24 hours.  It contains natural antibacterial agents that combat unwelcome bacteria.
• By taking care of your sponge, Palmolive Antibacterial helps to thoroughly clean your dishes.
• Palmolive Ultra Antibacterial Dishwashing Liquid costs (RRP) $4.99 (750ml)

• Palmolive Ultra Pomegranate Dishwashing Liquid comes with a fresh and fruity Pomegranate scent to infuse your kitchen
• Its rich formula cuts through grease and leaves your dishes sparkling clean
• The perfect marriage of scent and shine
• A great accessory for the kitchen sink
• Palmolive Ultra Pomegranate Dishwashing Liquid costs (RRP) $4.99 (750ml)

I'll let you in on another secret. I hate washing up so much that if something looks too hard to wash up, I will throw it in the bin. This is the reason why I only buy cheap pots and pans. However Devil Papa bought me a set of pans for Christmas that were a little bit more than my usual $10 so I really hoped that the Palmolive Dishwashing Liquid worked as well as the hype it produced.

I really wanted to put the stuff through it's paces so I purposely (ok I was just lazy but it sounded good) left the pans and plates from dinner on the sink, without rinsing them, until the next morning.  We had steak, eggs and chips for dinner. All of it perfect for baked on stuff.  Here's the result.

 Lots of baked on goodness....

Once I was sure it was baked on enough, I started the washing up process. Something which I expected would need a lot of elbow grease and a scourer. I was pleasantly surprised.  The washing up took no longer than usual and I didn't have to use the scourer at all. Normally for baked on foods like the plate, I would have to soak it but I was able to simply wet the plate and then wash with a cloth.

 Something else that I was also impressed with was the amount of suds. Now some people will say that too many bubbles are a bad thing, not me. If it has lots of bubbles, to me it's doing it's job. Even though there was lots of bubbles, it didn't leave a slimy film on the sink and plastics like a lot of other dishwashing liquids I have used do.  It also didn't seem to clog up the cloth, so I was able to use to wipe down the benches after washing up.  Another surprising aspect was that there was still a large amount of suds after I had finished washing up. Previous products that I have used, the suds have all disappeared half way through the wash and it kind of feels like you are just washing up in water.

Now comes the fun part! Thanks to Palmolive I have 3 Antibacterial and Pomegranate Dishwashing Liquid packs to give away to my readers...that's right YOU!

To be in the running all you have to do is tell me the household chore you hate the most and why. The 3 entries that make me laugh or shake my head will be the winners.  

Entries Close on Thursday the 31st of January 2013 at 8pm AEST. Please make sure either your emails are visible on your accounts or include your email in your comment so I can get in contact if you are a winner.

Good luck! I look forward to reading everyone's entries!

The importance of sleep

Any parent will be able to recite to you the effects of sleep deprivation.  Whether it's a long term issue or one night after months of being a perfect sleeper, we've all felt it.  The term walking zombie comes to mind.
 

Sleep is so important to good mental health.  Of course it's always easier said than done.  When you have sole care of a small child, you can't just pop a sleeping pill and hope for the best.  At least not without knowing how well it works first.  The trouble with not being able to sleep is that for me it's often too late to even contemplate taking medication...I have enough trouble getting out of bed in the morning as it is.
 

A few years ago, before Devil Spawn came along, I couldn't sleep...for 5 days straight.  I laid in bed, closed my eyes and nothing happened....for 5 days.  I had been taken off all sedative medication and had no access to any.  I even tried alcohol and nothing happened.  My brain just refused to switch off. I was at a loss as to what to do.  On the 3rd night I went to A&E. After waiting for hours, I was told to go home, I was nothing but a drug chaser. If I was a drug chaser then I would have already slept...you know because I would have drugs.  Rinse and repeat for the next night.  Both nights I had to wait to see the psych team. Both nights I was accused of being a drug chaser. Both nights I was given nothing.  By this stage it was up to day 4.
 

I had called the Crisis Team, they told me to go to A&E, it was fruitless. I was at a loss as to what I could do.  My brain was refusing to switch off. My eyes burned from being open for 4 days. I was very close to snapping. I covered an entire wall in my room with paper and wrote ramblings, that spanned the whole wall. A kind of brain splatter on my wall. None of it made sense.  Still I couldn't sleep.
 

I had a small amount of hope (or I was a glutton for punishment) and went to the A&E again.  It was now day 5. I din't have much faith, but I needed sleep and I was willing to do anything at this point.  Anything legal that is.  I was in luck...the registrar who was on duty that night was someone who knew my history...something that the other doctor could have easily checked and seen that I have never had an issue with drugs.  He couldn't believe that I had been ignored so long.  He wanted to admit me, I just wanted to sleep, something that we all know doesn't happen too comfortably in a hospital bed.  He had no hesitation in giving me a wafer type medication to help me sleep. A wafer is a medication that dissolves as soon as it hits your tongue.  An easy way to avoid giving me a script, which is what the other doctor was apparently trying to avoid.
 

After 5 days, I sleep deeply and long.  I felt refreshed and like I had control over my body again. 
 

Snore Australia states the effects of chronic sleep deprivation as "feeling tired, irritability, slurred speech, blurred vision, memory loss, inability to concentrate, episodes of confusion, hallucinations, nausea, impotence and reduced sexual drive. "  They also state that extreme sleep deprivation can lead to psychosis.  Unfortunately the only way to 'fix' sleep deprivation is to sleep.  Something that can be easier said than done, especially when you add small children into the mix.
 

The website How Did You Sleep says that the importance for sleep to mental health is paramount. "Sleep allows the brain to take in new information and strengthen our memories.  The quality of your sleep can have a significant impact on your mood, energy level and ability to concentrate.  It can affect your work, cause relationship problems and make it difficult to complete simple tasks.  Sleep can also affect our mental wellbeing, immune system, and other health-related issues. It is crucial to our health that we learn to sleep well."
 

Do you have trouble with sleep? What do you do each night to ensure that you get a good nights sleep?
 

Linking up with Jess for #IBOT

Personal Space

I have a giant personal space bubble. Christmas shopping, being in crowded spaces in general invades that personal space bubble. I don't like it. It's something that grates on my nerves.  I don't like being touched without warning, and I do not appreciate strangers coming and touching me.  I even flinch when Papa Devil and Devil Spawn touch me.  I'm not a touchy feely kind of person.  If I hug you, know that it comes from a place that I really had to reach deep down to do it.
 

This week I had a woman invade my personal space and stroke my scars.  I looked at her in horror, completely speechless as to what would possess someone to stroke a person, who they didn't know's arm. I would never touch someone I didn't know. At least not while sober! My look of horror must have worked as she recoiled pretty quickly. No apology was offered though. It was not an accidental brush, we were the only two people standing at the bus stop. 
 

This weekend I went out with a few girlfriends.  Clubbing is a BIG breach of my personal space bubble. Occasional, accidental bumps I can handle. In my face, being obnoxious I cannot. This seems to be the only thing that males think exists when it comes to the dance floor.  Seriously what is with that? I am here to dance, trying not to feel like a complete dickhead, I do not need you grinding yourself on my leg like a dog humping it's favourite toy.  One guy attempted to get close to me and spilt his drink down my leg.  Drink wastage is not cool!
Do you have a giant personal space bubble or are you happy to be close to people?
 

Just a short one from me tonight.  Head to my Facebook Page to vote for this weeks Reader's Choice. It will be the last one for the year so make it a good one :)

Packing my baggage

What will you take with you?
 

When I first saw this prompt I thought it was a bit morbid and it meant what will you take into the 'afterlife' if you believe in that stuff.  No, it's about what will I take with me into 2013.  It's sad but I will most likely carry a lot of baggage. Not good baggage (is it ever) but baggage that I need to leave behind.
 

The biggest bag in my baggage is anger. I have talked a lot about feeling like a ball of fury.  I have started to feel myself uncurl a little bit but it is still there. I'm quick to react, quick to anger, quick to expect the worst.  It's what happens when you get stabbed in the back while getting hugged by a friend.  A friendship ruined by betrayal is the hardest to get over.  If you just drift apart...you feel sad that you aren't as close but there is no horrible gut wrenching feeling.
 

I dwell on things too much. I bottle things up, I remember things with detail and play them over and over again in my head.  I think of things that I could have, should have, would have done.  It doesn't change the outcome, all it does is make me angrier. Angrier at the person, angrier at myself, angrier at the whole situation.
These are the things that I will take with me into the New Year.  They aren't the things that I want to take with me.  What I want to take is a calmer me, a me that takes things in their stride.  A person who realises that there is nothing that I can do about other peoples actions..regardless of how shitty they are, that beating myself up about it, won't change them.  A leopard rarely changes their spots. People who use and abuse, don't feel sorry for the way they treat people.  Even if they are supposed to be 'mature aged women', it won't stop them acting like highschool tarts.
 

That is my one thing that I want to get out of going to see a Psychologist. I want a calm way of letting out the frustration.  A way that doesn't see me bottling it up then exploding like a ticking time bomb.  It may take a long time.  It will be a lot of work, but I am excited for a new me. A me who doesn't take the shit that get's shovelled my way.  A me who speaks up when it's needed.  A me who doesn't snap after being pushed down for so long that there is nothing else to do.  Those who treat me right shouldn't be worried, those who act like giant douchebags...will not phase me anymore.

I will rise above this