New Joint.

Just a short post from me today to let you know that you can find me over at The Shake. It's a great site filled with thought provoking, fun poking, drool inducing posts! 

On The Shake I am talking about Boy's Fashion. Or lack thereof. Please jump over and check out my post along with the other great contributors.

Some great news to add is that I will be a regular contributor so you can now check me out both here at Musings of the Misguided and The Shake.

Happy Thursday!

Selfishness and Parties

 A conversation on twitter yesterday got me thinking about my 21st.  In Australia the big parties seem to be the 18th, 21st and then the decades there after.  My 18th was pretty non event so I was holding out for my 21st.  The universe however had other ideas. I was 6 months pregnant with Devil Spawn for my 21st so my birthday was a no alcohol for me event.  I wanted to just go to the local pool and laze around in my giant pregnant state but apparently that was unfair to all of my other able to drink guests. Whatevs
 

Just to throw another spanner in the works Devil Papa also got shingles in the week before the party so he was too tired to stay much longer than a couple of hours.  It did make the night relatively cheaper though as two of the biggest drinkers were out of action!
 

My family traveled down for it (7 hours so was a bit of a hike for them) and we had dinner at a local pub. I had a few friends come along and it started off as a nice night.  Until one annoying friend, who is no longer my friend, started to complain.  Some part of her brain malfunctioned and she thought that the night was about her. Her brain malfunctioning is all that I can think of because surely no one is as selfish as she acted that night.
 

The party started at 630pm (I think, the memory is a bit fuzzy) and after half an hour she was complaining that she was bored and wanted to know when we planned on going clubbing.  As I already mentioned, my family had traveled 7 hours to be here, they sure as hell deserved more than 30 minutes of my time.  Also no one in their right mind goes clubbing at 7pm, there is no one out and you look like a dick.
 

My party was also a sit down dinner...no one had eaten.  If you have ever been pregnant or been around someone who is pregnant, then you know that nothing stands between a pregnant woman and her food.  Especially at the particular pub we were at. They are known for their giant meals.  Devil Papa and I go there regularly and often take left overs home as there is enough for another meal.
I tried to ignore said friend to no avail. She was adamant that we must leave as soon as possible for the clubs.  She even made a point of walking out in a huff (aka adult sized tantrum) after I had said for what felt like the 1000th time that no we were not going anywhere yet. I hadn't made plans to go clubbing at all but if the opportunity arose I'd take it. 8pm was not the opportunity that I saw.
 

The party came to a close and a few of us decided to go to a large hotel that was in the vicinity of the clubs but not completely full of douche bags.  As I mentioned, I was six months pregnant at the time and just wanted to dance without someone grinding their groin on me.  As the hotel was mainly filled with middle aged women at the time, instead of getting my arse grabbed there was lots of belly rubbing to feel like Devil Spawn kick.  He obliged by doing his usual Mexican wave across my stomach. 
 

This 'club' was obviously not to the standard of which my 'friend' was hoping for.  She once again still forgot that it was in fact my party and we were going where I damn well said we were. Yes I was an only child for 11 years...how did you guess?  She complained and huffed about how we weren't doing what she wanted to do. 

After my parents left, I told her to go do what she wanted because I was sick to death of her attitude.  I was pretty reserved and had to tell another friend who was there at the time to leave it, because I was very close to telling her to go fuck herself.
While this friend didn't ruin my night, it made the night very unpleasant.  Her selfish actions left a sour taste in my mouth and it wasn't too much longer after that, that I cut her out of my life completely.
 

Have you had a party ruined by someone else's attitude?

Fairy's don't wear shoes

I love getting dressed up in costume. No I'm not talking about the bedroom you dirty minded people! I'm talking the kind that you can wear out in public.  Although some girls get the two mixed up.  In the town that I grew up in, Halloween parties were an excuse for everyone to go all out. It was great fun to see everyone dressed up.
 

When I was 16, I went as a fairy.  The costume involved a blode wig, floaty pjs, a crown, a wand and a piece of tulle that was masquerading as a tutu.  What it didn't involve was shoes, which, later in the night was to become my undoing.
 

 Early in the night there was a pre party, party. Complete with Jelly Shots that the coppers wife had made*. They were potent and soon became the initiation to the party.  My 'terrible' parents would only let me have one.  It seemed that the blonde wig had 'magically' transformed my logs and one of the party guests, a friend of my parents started hitting on me.  Up until the point where his wife politely reminded him that he was married and I was only 16. The poor bastard was flat out standing, let alone being able to see further than 2 foot in front of him.
 

The town party was in the town hall. I don't think you've really 'lived' in a small town until you have attended a disco or event in the town hall. It's usually got polished wood floors, no aircon, and 1000's of windows. At least the ones when I was growing up were. Not so much now.  It also wouldn't be complete without sneaking out the back (they always have a yard out the back) and drinking smuggled alcohol.  Usually Rum, which I think kind of tasted like arse.  You stay out late and feel bad arse cos you were the last to leave.
 

One thing that I had failed to factor into my costume choice was the walk home. My feet are pansies. I can't walk barefoot on anything other than cement or indoors.  They are so fucking sensitive.  This doesn't bode well for the gravel road that I had to take to get home.  I decided that it would be 'safer' to walk in the gutter, it being cement and all. I was wrong. The cement had corroded away and the metal was sticking out. The metal went straight into my pansy feet and ripped it open. There was blood and it hurt like a mofo. I was still half a block from home, so had to walk on my heel and the cut was on the ball of my foot.  It got worse.
 

I managed to limp home. I was crashing around the house looking for tissues and a bandaid or bandage of some description. This woke my mum, who before that was in a drunker stupor.  I was sitting in the bath, trying to work out what the fuck I was going to do with my foot.  Mum came in and had the brain fart idea that it needed to be washed out with dettol, in case it would get infected.  She insisted she would just dab a couple of drops on. Turned out her version of a couple of drops is half the bottle. It stung like a mofo.  Funnily enough it never did get infected.
 

The plus side to all of this was that I got to go to school in thongs for a week as I couldn't possibly fit my bandaged foot into my joggers. Any excuse really.
 

Have you had any costume party mishaps? Are your feet pansies too?

Stepping back through time - Wordless Wednesday

Linking up with My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday 

 

Awards coming out my arse!

 

I'll admit when the link appeared on my Facebook Page, I was a little apprehensive. It kind of sounded like a virus lol.  Thankfully it was not, it was the beautiful Lee from Mother Load giving me a Liebster Award.  What the hell is that? you ask? Well...

 "The award  is given to support and recognise up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers (on their blog) or likers (on their Facebook page). The word “Liebster” apparently has German origins and is reported to mean sweetest,  kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome. By following some basic rules (answer 11 questions set by your nominee, write 11 questions of your own and pass the award onto 11other  bloggers to answer) it enables readers to get to know new bloggers and connect  with a wider audience."

All these people thinking I'm sweet and cute is really starting to mess with my rep but I won't say no to a chance at getting some other lovely bloggers recognised!

My Questions asked by Lee:

 1. Why did you start blogging? This questions is easy because I have already written a post about it!
2. How often do you post on your blog? It's usually a few days a week, averaging about 3-4.  I don't really have a schedule.
3. Beach or Mountains? Ooo this is a hard one, both a beautiful. I would have to say mountains though because I hate, hate, hate getting sand everywhere.
4. Country or City? Definitely city. I love being able to go and buy something and not having to take a mortgage out to do it.
5. Do you find blogging a chore or a joy? At the moment it is definitely a joy. I think when it becomes a chore it's time to take a break.
6. Have you ever considered giving up blogging? Not giving it up altogether no, but I have taken a few breaks when there just seems to be nothing coming out of my brain that is worth writing down.
7. What do you really want for Christmas? A nice smooth Christmas Day, with no arguments.
8. Boys or girls - which one is easier? I only have experience with boys so I can't really say which is easier.
9. Are you more creative or analytical? Analytical
10. Planner or just see what happens? Planner. I freak out if I don't know what the hell is going on.
11. The future of your blog? I'm just taking things as they come at the moment. I'm really happy with where I am heading and love getting my words out there.

My 11 Leibster Award Recipients:

1. Help!! I'm Stuck!!
2. RoboMum 
3. Just One More Chapter 
4. Ness of Boganville 
5. Oculus Mundi 
6. Present Imperfection 
7. Mrs D's Maunderings 
8. Little Oliver J 
9. My Ranty Pants 
10. One Mother Hen 
11. Make Me Up Mandy 

Questions for my Awardees!

1. How long have you been blogging?
2. What was the first Blog you read?
3. How did you come up with the name for your Blog?
4. Summer or Winter?
5. How do you start your day?
6. One thing you couldn't live without? 
7. If you were stuck on a deserted island, who is one person you would like to be stuck with? 
8. Your favourite indulgence food?
9. Do you blog to a schedule?
10. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?
11. Are you ready for Christmas?

Have fun! 

Lingerie Football

Welcome to Reader's Choice Thursdays.  This is our third week and so far I have learnt so much. The most important thing I have learnt however is to not tweet while watching trashy tv if I still don't have a topic or a certain blogger (I'm not mentioning any name *cough cough* will take it with both hands and I'll be writing about vjazzling or like this week....Lingerie Football.
 

So what exactly is Lingerie Football? Despite the name, the women don't actually play in skimpy lace numbers.  No they more closely resemble a cheer leading outfit than something you'd wear under your clothes.  It was founded in 2003, originally as a pay per view event showing opposite the half time of the Superbowl.  It is now a staple of Superbowl Sunday and is shown in over 85 countries worldwide.  The game consists of two seven-a-side teams.  Each team can have up to 20 players but only 14 are used on game day.
At the moment Lingerie Football is only played in the US and Canada.  However it is currently being promoted in Australia with the hope to officially start a season in 2013.  It is not without it's opposition however.  Sports Minister Kate Lundy was quoted as calling the sport ''cheap, degrading perv''.  This hasn't stopped women trying out though.
  

There are some groups who call Lingerie Football a sport that makes women into sexual objects.  Me? Hey if I had a body like these girls I would sure as hell be showing it off too.  These girls are athletic and strong.  In my opinion they are actually providing a positive body image. A hell of a lot better than any Runway Model that's for sure.  No one is forcing these women to run around chasing a football in a bikini and let's be honest there's more skin on display at the beach than these girls are showing. 
 

Critics are up in arms that this sport has tickets sold that are targeting families.  Are we really turning into that kind of world. A world where no one thinks for themselves and has to have a government dictate what we can and can't do.  Use your common sense people.  If you don't feel comfortable taking your kids to this kind of sporting even then don't but don't ruin it for the rest of the people.  Do I think it should be aired on Free-to-air television? No, but people who are willing to pay for it shouldn't be denied.  All of the women involved are consenting adults, who are over the age of 18. 
 

What's your take on Lingerie Football? Pervy or perfectly fine? If you had the body and the confidence would you do it?
 

For more Reader's Choice Thursday head on over to Help!! I'm Stuck!!

You want to put crystals where?

For something different I have decided to do a readers choice every Thursday.  This week is bought to you by Ann over at Help!! I'm Stuck!! and she has chosen the very bling topic of VAJAZZLING.
 

I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for trashy tv.  Especially when I have had a shithouse day.  There's nothing better than settling in front of the tv with my laptop and watching some tv that doesn't require me to use my brain.  I love a good who-dunnit but when life has been kicking my arse all day, the last thing I want to be doing is thinking while watching tv.
 

Tuesday night I was watching Snog Marry Avoid when one of the 'make unders' started talking about vajazzling. I made a comment about it on twitter and Ann (the smart arse) decided that it would be an awesome topic for this week.
 

Vajazzling: The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman's bikini area for aesthetic purposes.  AKA putting some bling blin on your vjay-jay.  Apparently it's pretty popular.  The term was first coined by, believe it or not Jeniffer Love-Hewitt. I know! I was surprised too, I for one thought it was created by Paris Hilton or one of the socialites.  Here is the interview in which she told George Lopez about adding some bling to her vjay-jay.
 

I did a bit of searching and it turns out this isn't just a DIY thing, where you order some stickers off Ebay and go sticker crazy. No. There are some beauty therapists who do it as part of a Brazillian or you can just go in and get it done by itself.  Some places charge up to $100 for the pleasure. Me, I can think of a lot of things I'd rather do with $100 than stick some crystals on my vjay-jay.
 

Now before you go thinking that you'll have a toilet full of crystals every time you relieve yourself, it's not like that at all.  The crystals are applied to the vulva, which is freshly shaved or waxed.  Salons suggest having the area waxed rather than shaved as the area stays smooth and hair free for a longer period of time.  Plus let's face it, that love heart made of crystals isn't going to look to bling, bling with your overgrown pubes sticking through.
 

Interested in finding out more? Well you're in luck because I also found a tutorial on vjazzling.  Check out the video below for tips.  

 

 Would you do some vjazzling? Have you done some vjazzling? Or does it all just seem like too much work? Me? I'm flat out shaving my legs most days so adding crystals to my nether regions isn't high on my agenda.

Sand in your crotch

Yesterday Papa Devil, Devil Spawn and I went to the  beach.  I love going to the beach. It's free easy entertainment for Devil Spawn and it's super refreshing on a stinking hot humid day.  You know what would make the whole experience even better? No fucking sand.
Anyone who goes to the beach with kids will tell you that you find sand in the strangest places for the longest time afterwards.  It gets everywhere.  On everything.  IN everything. 
 

As soon as we tell Devil Spawn that we are off to the beach his little cheeky face lights up like a Christmas tree and that means we must go to the beach RIGHT THIS SECOND which would be awesome IF we didn't live a 25 minute drive from a decent beach. First world problems and all that.  We pack the car up, put swimmers on, take more towels than can sink a battle shit and load all of the sand toys in as well. 
 

Usually I don't get completely into the water, not wanting people to think a beached whale has washed up and have a full scale Greenpeace mission turn up at the beach.  Yesterday however I decided it was too stinking hot to do the usual up to my shins in the water and took the plunge (literally haha). Oh my I forgot how awesome it is to sit in the water and enjoy the waves crashing over you.  What I forgot was the salt encrusted hair (people actually pay to have their hair to be like that) and the sand in the unimaginable places.
 

 Devil Spawn had decided to roll in the sand so was covered from head to toe in sticky sand.  Papa Devil took him back down to the water to wash him off a bit before putting him in the car. Devil Spawn, like most little boys though is a giant magnet for dirt. He managed to fall over and cover himself in sand again.  We gave up at this point and just wrapped him in a towel.  There was fucking sand in all the fucking places. 
 

I thought I had managed to escape the sand in all the places, that was until I got home and took my swimmers off.  All of the sand from all of the places was in all of the places of my bathroom floor.  I had a nice bumpy, grindy fake tan from one end of me to the other.  There was enough sand to fill a small sandpit.  Like I said, it was in all of the places.
 

I would totally live at the beach if it wasn't for all of the sand.  Do you love the beach? Would you be happy to ditch the itching in all the places sand?

Dabbling in the world of Handy Woman!

My washing machine has a mind of it's own.  It decides when it feels like spinning or if it even wants to wash at all.  *Insert sexist joke here ;)*
For a while I was washing in my bathtub using a broom handle and and the shower to do the 'rinse cycle'.  Due to it being in winter, the clothes would then take two days to dry.  Especially because I usually don't get the energy up for household chores until the afternoon, if at all.  I am so glad that during this time there was no gastro bugs in the Funny Farm house.
When that got old I started leaving my washing until the weekend and doing it at DP's house.  This really put a dampner on the lay in bed hangover caused by excessive alcohol consumption ritual we had going on.  I had to be all dometicated and shit. 
 

One day I decided to test out the tempremental washing machine and see if it had decided that it was finished being on strike yet.  Surprisingly it sort of spun, well at least enough to swish the detergent all through the clothes instead of the 4 or so items that were sitting in close proximity to the detergent.  Upon taking the washing out, I discovered there was something stuck between the internal and external tubs.  I pulled it a bit and it started to come out.  With a bit of pushing, shoving and pulling I managed to get it out.  Now the washing machine didn't work AT ALL.
 

At this point I decided to be all he-woman, figured I had nothing to lose and pulled the washing machine apart to see if there was anything else stuck inside.  I managed to pull it apart, cleaned out any build up and started the process of putting the machine back together.  By this stage I was all 'I am woman hear me roar'...right up until I dropped the screwdriver in between the internal and external tubs.  Cue string of profanities that drew DS from whatever he was doing to come and investigate what I was doing.  Shit was not good.
 

The space between the two tubs was about 10cm so obviously I wasn't going to fit my giant arm down there. 
 

Plan B. Tongs. The tongs could just fit down but they weren't long enough.  Sadly I didn't have any BBQ tongs or I would have been all over retrieving that pesky screw driver.
 

Plan C. Put the washing machine on it's side and see if that made a difference to me being able to reach it. It didn't.
 

Plan D. By this stage if I was stupid enough to have a swear jar, I would have enough coin to buy a whole new washing maching AND and entire set of screwdrivers so shit was really not going good.  Kicking the washing machine just resulted in the screwdriver going further down the tub.
 

Plan E. I found two sticks that used to hold a couple of fabric cubes together and attempted to reach the screwdriver using them like a pincer.  Of course the sticks were too short. Of course I swore a hell of a lot more.
 

Plan F.  I really had my thinking cap on now. I was wondering how much it would cost to dump this stupid washing machine versus having to tell DP that I fucked up and I needed his help.  Cue 'I am woman hear me roar' and I finally came up with something that worked!
I used the sticks from Plan E, and attached an allen key onto the end of each one using a ton of sticky tape because heaven forbid I lose two more tools.  I hooked each Allen Key under the handle of the screwdriver and ever so carefully extracted the offending screwdriver from inside the washing machine! I was so over the moon I nearly cried.
 

After screwing in the rest of the screws, I chucked a couple of items of clothing in the washing machine and IT WORKED! I was back to being all 'I am woman hear me roar' and now I can wash in my own machine again.  It still randomly decides when it wants to work but it does the job.
 

Are you handy around the house or a DIY disaster?  Let me know your best and worst forrays into the world of DIY.

Put some clothes on yo!

It's FFS Friday today so I have my ranty pants on.  Unlike the teen female population however, my pants are big, baggy and sufficiently cover my arse.

I got to my local shopping centre fairly regularly and my eyes are always assaulted with what seems to be the new fashion of leggings as pants and short shorts.  

The trouble is they think they look like this:

 When in fact 90% of them look like this:

 Girls, girls, girls.  

If you can't wear undies under your shorts because you are worried they will show out THE BOTTOM of your shorts, they shouldn't be worn in public.

If you can feel a breeze on your v-jay jay, they shouldn't be worn in public.

If your thighs have more cottage cheese than the dairy section in Coles, they shouldn't be worn in public.  

If you have to go to the plus size section to get your short shorts, they shouldn't be worn in public.

If your friends tell you, you look fine and sexy when you are unsure about how much arse you are showing, don't listen to them, they are arseholes.

If I can see the lace on your undies at the front of your shorts, they shouldn't be worn in public.

If you have to be anywhere that involves children, these shouldn't be worn in public.  Yes that involves picking up your kids from Daycare or School.  Your kid doesn't run out of the place because they're excited to get home, they want to get as far away from you as possible lest they be taunted for the rest of their school lives.

Please girls for the love of god, have some self respect. What happened to leaving shit to the imagination.  At least save the dental floss shorts for a night club where I'm not likely to be assaulted by them while buying a bottle of milk.

Need to get something off your chest? Head on over to Dear Baby G and let rip or read about other people's shit house days to know you aren't alone.

eeeeee

So this is a bit of a wooo look at me, look what I can do post.

I bought a dress about a month ago in preparation for a girls night out.  One of my friends convinced me to get it in the size smaller as they didn't have my size.  It was also a bargain haha. 

Sooooo I tried it on tonight after unsuccessfully trying to zip it up for the last month I did it!  There is still the muffin top spillage over the top but other than that it looks good.  I also still have another month to fit into it before its 'debut'.

I also managed to take a really awesome head shot of myself.  I know I'm a freak of nature :O

Fashion

What the fuck is wrong with fashion these days (oh god doesn't that make me sound old)???

I look through the shops and it seems that 'dressing like a homeless person' is the new fashion.  Does that now mean I can wear my pjs out and pretend they are 'fashion'?  Probably not.  I saw a shawl aka throw rug complete with tassles in valley girl last week that was a baby shit green colour.  I've spent the last almost two years trying to avoid getting baby shit on my shirt I'm not going to buy a throw rug complete with tassles shawl in the same colour.

My other gripe about 'fashion' at the moment is zippers.  I saw the prettiest dress, pulled it out of the rack and it had a great dirty zipper down the front.  I'm not talking a cutesy decorative zipper I'm talking a big black zipper that goes half way down the whole dress.  So you have a beautiful flowy dress usually in a pastel colour and it has a big black zipper down the front and this is called 'fashion'