Chicken and Vegetable Nuggets

I hate veggies. At least veggies on their own.  I can handle them in a bake or mixed in with other stuff so that I can't taste them.  Devil Spawn hates them just as much, so veggie smuggling is pretty important around here.  One food that Devil Spawn does love though is chicken nuggets.  He'd eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner if I let him but sadly they aren't particularly nutrious.  That's when I got thinking about how I could combine veggie smuggling with Devil Spawns favourite foods and Chicken and Vegetable nuggests were born.  I try to have pureed veggies in the freezer all the time so that I can add them to spag bog and other easy foods.

Chicken and Vegetable Nuggets

 
These are better prepared a few hours before you are ready to cook them.  Of course if you are short for time, preparing and cooking straight away won't make too much difference.
 
Ingredients
500gm of chicken thighs, pureed (you can use chicken mince but I found the thighs easier to work with)
2 cups of vegetable puree. (You can use any mixture of pre pureed vegetables)
Tuscan Seasoning (I tried it with the all pourpose seasoned salt and they just weren't the same)
Breadcrumbs

Method
1.    Mix together the chicken and vegetables, adding the tuscan seasoning as you go.
2.    Roll the mixture into tablespoon size balls and coat in bread crumbs.  Place flattened
    balls into an air tight container, putting a layer of baking paper between each layer.
3.    Put the prepared nuggets into the fridge for at least an hour. A friend gave me this     tip and it's great for keeping the breadcrumbs intact when cooking.
4.    Shallow fry the the nuggets until both sides are brown. This helps keep the mixture     together.
5.    Bake for 25 minutes at 200C

This recipe makes about 32 nuggets.  I cook them all then separate into resealable bags for easy dinners in the future.     

Growth Spurt

Devil Spawn seems to be on a never ending growth spurt the last 12 months! 

 Devil Spawn in my brothers preschool uniform

 His shoe next to mine. These ones are actually too small now!

 Last years long sleeved shirt!

 Random cute pic with my Aunties dog.

Linking up with My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday.

Pressure to Procreate

As a woman, it's always expected that you will want to procreate.  That your one mission in life, eventually is to be a mother.  I remember in high school my friends talking about the names they had picked out for their eventual babies. I didn't feel the same and while I didn't have a life plan, kids didn't really feature in the image I saw of myself. 
 

You would think that once you are 'with child' that they pressure would stop. That society would think, 'ok she's made her contribution, we'll stop hassling her now', but that couldn't be further from the truth.  The minute you have one child, everyone is wondering when you are going to be giving them a brother or sister. Labeling you as 'cruel' if you tell them that your child will be an only child.  In fact one of the cards I received when Devil Spawn was born had the sentiment 'he's gorgeous, can't wait until you have another one'.  I had pushed this baby out a mere week earlier and the pressure had started.
 

Let's talk about what is cruel shall we, about the reality of being pregnant and unmedicated.  Hormones already do strange things to normally rational women. Add to that a Mental Illness that can't be medicated while pregnant and you have a recipe for disaster. I was, for lack of a better term, bat shit crazy while pregnant.  I would go from crying, to screaming in a matter of minutes.  Poor Devil Papa didn't know what to expect or how to handle it.  I could not bring myself to knowingly put Devil Spawn through that. 
 

I use what little motivation I have most days on Devil Spawn. I don't think that I could spread it over 2 or more children.  Am I still being cruel for being happy to stop at one child? It is cruel to realise my weakness and work with what I have? No it's not. I know my limitations and Devil Spawn will always come first.  I know that if it did happen, I would somehow make it work but I would never knowingly try for another child because society has this notion that it's 'cruel' for a child to grow up alone.
 

I say it's cruel to bring a child into an environment that can't cope with it. It's cruel to have a child not because you want one but because it's the norm. It's cruel to bring another child into a family that is already struggling.  It is not cruel to realise that you have reached your limits and that you know you can give everything you have to one child, but will struggle with two. It is not cruel if having one child means that they will have a better life, will get what little their mama can offer them at this time.  A little spread over 2 is even less. I love Devil Spawn more than I thought it was even possible to love another human being and if I had my time again I'd do it all the same.
 

How many children do you have? Do you still feel the pressure to keep popping those bubbas out?
Are you childless by choice and feel the pressure to procreate?

Parenting the Testosterone

It's no secret that having a child changes you in ways that you couldn't even begin to imagine before having a child.  You have these romantic ideas when you are pregnant of how you are going to be as a mother and well rarely does it turn out that way.  Both for the good and the bad.  There are times when I want to pull my hair out but I wouldn't change having Devil Spawn. 
 

Now there is somewhere I was going with all this. I have noticed over the last few weeks how different it is as a mother to be a parent to a boy. Yes a smelly, farting boy.  I wanted to share with you my take on being surrounded by a toddler with testosterone.
 

Be prepared, once they can talk, for the endless questions on why it is that you don't have a penis. Also be prepared for the look of horror when they realise that you don't have one.  The usual response is that they think it's been chopped off and you need to go to the doctor immediately.  This of course is met with hysterical laughter from me.
 

You will see LOTS of penis. Like more than a porn movie. Why? Because boys like to show off.  Many times Devil Spawn has yelled from the toilet...'look at this mummy' because he has found a new trick that he can get his man appendage to perform.  There is also the habit that never goes away, of always checking to make sure it's there. 
 

Fart jokes are always funny. Always. Even when you are in the middle of Coles and he lets one rip louder than a jumbo jet and stinkier than a day old cup of milk...he will think it's funny.  You will generally want to crawl under a rock because there will always be a judgey mcjudger within ear shot that can hear him screaming at the top of his lungs 'MUMMY I FARTED'. Just smile and nod. The more you tell him to shoosh, the louder he'll yell. Every time.
 

  

image credit

The pile of 'house' clothes will always be bigger than the pile of 'good' clothes.  Boys and toddlers in general seem to be big old magnets for dirt.  I think the only time Devil Spawn is completely clean is the 30 secs it takes him to go from the bathroom to his room after a bath. 

This is why we can't have nice things.

Do you have a boy? What are the things you are getting used to about having a son?   

Sleep is for the weak...apparently

It's finally the end of the longest week in the history of long weeks.  That also means that it's FFS Friday time again.  Sarah is handing the reins over to her hubby this week so pop over and see what he has to say! 

Two weekends in a row now Devil Papa has said that he wants to spend some boy time with Devil Spawn. Two weekends in a row that has involved him having a 5 hour nap FFS
 

It was raining Monday so I couldn't take transport to daycare so I decided to keep Devil Spawn home and have a movie day inside. It was a great idea, at least for the first hour FFS
 

Devil Spawn sleep dodges like you wouldn't believe. Monday night he was screaming so much about not wanting to go to bed that he vomited. I had just told him to come out into my bed. He vomited all over me FFS
 

Wednesday morning Devil Spawn decided that 3am is a perfectly fine time to start the day FFS
 

He crashed without a fuss at 630pm Wednesday night NO FFS
 

He woke up at midnight and the only way I could get him back to sleep was by holding his hand. Of course my arm took this opportunity to do it's weird twitching thing. Every time my arm twitched it would wake him up. FFS
 

Devil Spawn slept until 8am on Thursday morning NO FFS
 

I finally had some for thought and bought some snacks for after Devil Spawn goes to sleep. I haven't felt like any of it FFS
 

I accidentally deleted the account that I use for my commenting system. This deleted all of the comments associated with it on the blog including everyone elses FFS
 

I went to get my renewed Mental Health Plan on Tuesday. My doctor told me to make the most of it because she wasn't writing anymore. I should be over it by now according to her FFS
 

This was after me having to cancel a psychologist appointment because of her dragging her arse about writing it in the first place FFS
 

I need to find a new GP who has some sort of experience with Mental Health who also bulk bills. The chances are pretty slim FFS
 

I still haven't heard from the public Mental Health System about my referral that was sent in September. Not even a letter to say that I am on a waiting list FFS
 

What's been pissing you off this week? Have a whinge in the comments so I don't feel like the only one here. 

Don't be a dickhead

Over the last two days, the Rockhampton region has received close to 500mm in rain.  It rained non stop for the last two days.  My backyard looked like a swimming pool. Thankfully my house is built up a little bit or I would have been fighting the water out of my house. Many people in the region were.  The large amount of rain in a short amount of time meant that essential services were lost to some regions. Some areas lost electricity and water.  The the worst happened...the internet died.  If it had happened on the 21st of December I am sure it would have caused a panic of epic proportions.  Instead it just caused boredom and no outlet to voice our frustrations.  Nearly 24 hours without internet = Longest. Day. Ever.
 

There is something about rain, that just brings out the morons.  It's like the rain fertalises the one brain cell they have and they decide they need to be heroes.  Much to the dismay of the Emergency Services.  Every time there is a flood, the Emergency Services need to say over and over again 'If it's flooded, forget it' and still people don't listen.  In the 2011 flood, there were so many rescues that just wasted precious resources that could have been used to help those who were genuinely in trouble. Not the people who decided they were above the law and that the signs were for pansies. 
 

Picture from here

If you can't see the road, chances are that it's too deep to drive over.  Even worse, there might not be a road there to see.  Yesterday a young boy had to be rescued from raging flood waters because him and his friend were playing in the water and he fell in.  Children need to be educated on this! Adults need to make them aware of the dangers, there is so much debris and there is no knowing how fast the current under the water is flowing.  What could look like a calm river on top, could be a fast flowing death trap underneath.  A child, even an adult is not strong enough to fight a river that is a full force. 
 

Please for the sake of your loved ones and the loved ones of the people who risk their lives to save you, just don't risk the flood waters.  It's not the end of the world if you don't reach your destination on time.  It may be a huge inconvience, but it's better than your loved ones receiving the phone call that no one wants to receive. 
 

During this time the Facebook page CQ Flood Updates has been an absolute godsend and a wealth of information in keeping locals and their families up to date on what is happening with the floods. 

Holidaying close to home

 We went on an impromptu mini holiday with my mum and dad. It was only 40km away but it was nice to have a change of scenery.

 He's grown just a little bit since the last time we were there.

Linking up with My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday. 

Stepping back through time - Wordless Wednesday

Linking up with My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday 

 

FFS Friday First for 2013!

FFS Friday time again!  The holidays give ample opportunity for plenty of FFS moments.
It has been ridiculously hot here this week. Looking at the weather forecast you would think that the temperatures aren't too bad but we live in Rockhampton. The humidity fucks you over. I have sweat pouring off me at 9am in the morning FFS
I stupidly bought Play-doh for Devil Spawn for Christmas.  There is play doh smushed into my rug. The only piece of carpet in the whole house FFS
I hung my washing out at night in the hope that I wouldn't be so hot.  It was just as bad, there was just no sun FFS
I've been unsuccessfully trying to get Devil Spawn to use the toilet instead of his potty. He is fine using it for wee. Poo not so much. I usually know he's done one only after gettting knocked out by the smell of a giant log left in the potty. How can a small child smell so bad FFS
I still haven't unpacked from our trip out west. It was nearly two weeks ago FFS
I went for a walk yesterday. I don't know what was worse, pushing the 19kg Devil Spawn or having to answer his commentary on the surroundings FFS
I stupidly went at 3pm FFS
I made a 'resolution' to drink more water. Devil Spawn keeps taking the bottles out of the fridge taking one sip then leaving them somewhere so every time I go to have a drink there is nothing cold FFS
Devil Spawn has gone right back into the sleeping dodging. Wednesday night it was 1030pm before he went to sleep. I of course then couldn't switch off after dealing with and didn't get to sleep until 2am. He was up for the day at 7am. FFS
 

I took Devil Spawn to see Wreck it Ralph on New Years day. He was so well behaved, which is more than I can say for the teenagers sitting near us. If I can keep my hyper 3yo quiet I am sure you can manage to keep your trap shut for 2 hours FFS.
 

Devil Spawn has gotten a few puzzles lately. He got one from Santa when he got his photo taken...it is unbelievable hard and I am contemplating throwing it in the bin FFS
 

I have lived in just my underwear for the last few days. Pity it's not socially acceptable to go out like that FFS
 

What's been pissing you off this week? Let me know in the comments! If you have a blog then head over to Dear Baby G and link up with your FFS for the week.

Monday Menu Plan

I am a rebel at heart and it seems whenever I decide something that I am going to cook that week/day, my good old brain goes nah I don't want to do that now. Yeh it's heaps of fun.  So to combat that, I just put together 7 meals and have them on whatever day I want.  

Here, in no particular order is my Meal Plan for the week.

Mac and Cheese. I add sausages or sometimes Chicken to this to give it the protein serving. Pasta is always a winner with Devil Spawn.

Bangers and Mash. 

Honey Chicken. Devil Spawn loves these kind of "noonals"and they are super quick and easy to make.  Definitely a winner when cooking.

Spag Bog. I pack this full of veggies and Devil Spawn is none the wiser.  He scoffs it like there is no tomorrow.

Lamb Chops and Veggies

Home Made Chicken Nuggets and Chips. I puree veggies and chicken together to make these.  I also add spices into the bread crumbs and they are divine. I usually make a big batch and freeze the rest, putting them into serving sizes in resealable bags.

Homemade Pizza and Garlic Bread. I make these pizzas using wraps.  I put whatever left over veggies and meat I have left on them.  Devil Spawn loves helping to make the pizzas.

What's on your menu this week?

Emotional Cost of Parenting

 As I have stated in numerous earlier posts, I struggle with the mothering gig.  Especially the emotional side.  Most days feel like a giant mind fuck and I am ready to hide under the blankets and never come out again. 
 

In Part 1 of this Two Part series I covered the physical costs of becoming a parent. Part Two will be all about the emotional responsibilites of becoming a parent.  Something that you never fully appreciate until you become a parent.  You can work in childcare and still not fully comprehend the emotional toll having a small person who you are completely responsible for 100% of the time.
 

One of the things that scared and continues to scare me most is that this little person depends on me for absolutely everything.  There is no handing the child over when you need a sick day.  This little person is your everything and they think you are their entire world.  A baby in simple terms is a completely selfish creature.  They don't care if you are sick, have only had 3 hours sleep or are hungry enough to chew your own arm off, they want your time, love and attention.
 

I think one of the hardest things as a parent is seeing your child sick and there is nothing you can do about it.  It could range from a common cold to a life threatening disease but you will still feel like you are completely helpless.  For me the first cold was the hardest.  Devil Spawn was only a couple of weeks old and he snuffled and tossed and turned in his sleep.  There wasn't much I could do but seeing him being so uncomfortable was heart breaking. 
 

There have been numerous studies performed on the importance of getting enough sleep to encourage good mental health.  Babies...they don't care how many studies you've done, they want up and they want up now.  Overall Devil Spawn has been a pretty good sleeper.  He slept from 8pm until 6am from about 3 months onwards and would have a decent nap during the day.  All that changed at 18 months. He decided to scrap the daytime sleep. Me? I wasn't so ready but finally admitted defeat when I realised that no day sleep meant he was in bed sound asleep by 7pm.  That was up until about 8 months ago. He decided sleep was for the weak. One night surviving on just 3 hours sleep and was up and at 'em the next day like it was nothing.  Mummy on the other hand was ready to kill the first person who crossed her path.  11pm was an early night in these parts.  We muddled through it and just as suddenly as it started, it stopped.  I don't question it and am just loving the return of the 7pm bedtimes.
 

Tying in with the physical costs is the emotional guilt of providing the money for those costs.  Unless you are heartless, than you WILL worry about where the next meal is coming from.  As your child gets older you will also begin to worry about the *wants* that you can't provide.  Now this isn't a given, if you have a career that pays well, or you and your partner both do, then this won't be such a big issue but we all have to start somewhere.  The funny thing about chilren is that they don't always come when you are expecting them.  If we waited until we could afford them, then we would never have kids.
 

I'm linking up with Jess for IBOT :)

The cost of being a parent

I've made no secret that I stuggle with this whole mother hood thing. I've even been know to say that it is butt fuck hard.  What I talk about however is the emotinal side.  The physical, providing side is pretty damn hard too.  From the moment you find out you're pregnant you are bombarded with the costs of being a parent.
The National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling did a study and put the costs into a lump sum figure.
In fact, the report shows, the total cost in today’s dollars is
$448,000 for the average family to raise two children from birth
to age 20. For the average couple with two children today, those
children cost around $310 a week, or 23 per cent of average gross
household income of $1,324 a week.
This figure takes into account most of the costs involved in
parenting, including housing, transport, recreation, food, clothing
and education.
Now I don't know about you but my income isn't 1,324 a week. In fact it's much less.  This means that I have to be crafty in getting it to stretch. We don't always get the things that I *want* but we rarely go without the things we *need*.  Many people will say that all children need is love but that is a great big bunch of hooey.  Children need food, water and shelter, all things that are easily accessible in the Western World.
Let's break this down a little bit. What are the individual costs you'll most likely see in raising a child. I have a 3 yo so can only vouch for the first 3 years personally but here it is.
 

Cot - $100+
If you can find a decent second hand one you can really save a lot of money.  Or you could go down the co sleeping route...which I found I needed and craved my space once Devil Spawn started sleeping through.
 

Pram - $100+
This isn't necessary but if, like me you don't have a car then it is very much needed. The baby trolleys are usually few and far between at the supermarket and unless you have a sling which can be costly then you are going to need a pram.
 

Nappies - Av $20 per week.
Whether you go disposable or cloth, they are going to be costs involved.  The start up costs of cloth nappies can be in the $100's however they save you money in the long run.  Disposable nappies are a bottomless pit of cost.  It's also a case of trial and error of finding the ones that don't give your baby a rash, don't leak and don't need a loan taken out to buy them.
 

Feeding - Av $50 per week
In the first few months this all depends on whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed.  Breastfeeding is completely free.  Bottlefeeding involves formula which ranges from $16-$30 a tin. When Devil Spawn was a baby a tin would last about 10 days.  Don't forget all the bottles. You can get inexpensive ones for $10 for a 3 pack, but the trouble with bottles is that you have to keep replacing them.  Your baby outgrows the teat flow, the numbers wear off, making preparation innacurate.
 

Once you move into solids there starts to become a steady increase as you buy foods that bub can eat as well, until they are eating normal food and your grocery bill has increased by about $50 a week. 
 

Clothing - Never ending
In the first 12 months, babies generally grow and grow.  You feel like you are constantly packing clothes away and getting new ones out.  If you can get hand me downs, then this is great.  If you can't then it can be an expensive venture.  The average cost of jumpsuits is $10. Unless you plan on washing every single day then you are going to need 3 or 4 at least. Thats $40 right there.  The funny thing about kids is that they keep growing and wearing out their clothes, so you need to rinse and repeat that process every couple of weeks.
 

Toys - Never ending
Toys aren't a must but they sure as hell make this parenting gig a ton easier.  Devil Spawn is spoilt for toys.  His room is choc-a-bloc with everything a boy could want.  I don't like to spend more than $40 for a toy.  The average cost is around $20.  I try to buy good quality stuff because I would much rather it last than break after the first use. 
 

Lotions, Potions and all the stuff for the Bums - Average $20 per week
The stuff you need during a nappy change can rival a make up artists arsenal.  There is wipes, nappy rash cream, body wash, moisturiser, talc powder and heaps of other stuff that I can't think of right now.
 

Misc - Average $200 per week
This is everything else but not including the shelter.  This is the electricity and phone.  If you have a car then you have to factor in upkeep costs and money to put fuel in it.  Fridge break down? Yep you'll be paying to fix that too. Washing machine die? Until you can afford to fix it or buy a new one then you will be making the trek to the laundromat.
 

This is part one of a two part post about the responsibilities of raising a child.  This is the very average break down of the costs. There are lots more things that I haven't taken into consideration including daycare, school, and entertainment costs. 
 

Part two will delve a bit deeper into the emotional responsibilities of being a parent.  The things that you provide to make your child feel safe, to set a good example.

Wordless Christmas

Today I decided to link up with Trish over at My Little Drummer Boys  for Wordless Wednesday.  It was bought to my attention that today that there is only 42 days until Christmas so I decided to do a looking back over our Christmas' so far with Devil Spawn.

 

The REAL affordable gift guide.

Now that we are on the countdown to the fat man visiting, it's time to start thinking about what to get our loved ones.  Or the people you have to get gifts for.  I've seen a few gift lists getting around already but I haven't found one that is in the budget of struggle street.  I couldn't give Devil Spawn the gifts I do without the joys of Christmas Layby.  For everyone else, I usually do a mad dash in the month before Christmas by trying to find shit that is cheap but doesn't look it.

For the Devil Mama:

Retro Slushy Machine, Kmart: $39

As soon as I saw this baby in Kmart I knew I had to have one. So I could share with the whole family. Ah hell who am I kidding, my first thought was 'Woo vodka slushies'.

Slushy Magic, Big W: $14.86

Slushy without the mess? You had me at hello. This bad boy would be great for more vodka slushies.  Nom nom nom

Mighty Peep-Toe Heel, Target: $50
I love a hot pair of heels. Sadly they do not love me.  I would buy these just to walk around the house in!

A6 Patten Journal, Typo: $6.95

 It's no secret that I love notebooks. When Typo opened up near me I nearly wet my pants with excitement. It was a porn shop for the stationary lover.  I could spend hundreds in there. Then my bank balance kindly reminds me, calm down fuck head you haven't got enough money to buy all the things.

For the Devil Papa

West Tigers Jersey, Best and Less: On sale for $40
Devil Papa is a mad West Tigers fan.  I usually buy him something footy related for Christmas. Last year him and Devil Spawn got matching footy shorts. They look a bit cute.

Dogfight Double Gift Set Spitfire MkVB/Messerschmitt Bf109-F 1/48 Airfix from Mega Hobby: $29.74

Devil Papa loves making model airplanes. In fact he loves all things war planes.  This is definitely a go to gift for us.  It's something that he will use and he enjoys.

Galway Pipe, Dan Murphy's: $29.45

Devil Papa loves a good drop of Port.  Me personally I think it tastes gross. This is his favourite kind, so it's an easy, inexpensive gift.

 

Gifts for the Devil Spawn

Hot Wheels Colour Shifters, Kmart: $15

I always wanted one of these when I was kid. So of course what use is having a kid if you can't live through them.  No doubt I will get sick of picking up the pieces after a week but it will be fun while it lasts.

   Despicable Me, Kmart: $13

This movie never gets old. Even after Devil Spawn watched it 4 times in a row while I was sick.  Sadly our copy has died so this is on the wish list.  One of my favourite things to do on Christmas Day after stuffing yourself with too much food is to lay around and watch a movie. So I try to get Devil Spawn a DVD in his massive Christmas Haul.

Rectangular Family Pool, Big W: $30.

Australia is known for it's stinking hot climate.  Rockhampton Christmas Day is usually no exception.  There's nothing better than getting rip roaring drunk and lounging around in the kiddies pool. Best thing is that this can be used by the whole family.

What's on your Christmas wish list this year? Do you leave your present buying to the last minute or are you super organised and have it all done already?

 Note: This is not a sponsored post I just really like all this stuff.

No offence Monday...but you suck

It's Friday again wooo! We all know what that means! It means it's time for the weekly whinge fest that is FFS Friday.  I haven't left the house for most of the week due to being sick (FFS) but somehow the world still managed to piss me off!
 

On Sunday night 60 Minutes Australia did a story on Self Harm.  The story was pretty well done.  It was surprisingly done with sensitivity and care.  As usual however the arsefaces came out of the wood works and commented on things they didn't know or want to understand. People like this are why there is still so much stigma around any kind of Mental Illness behaviour FFS
 

Devil Spawn has had a persistent sniffle for the last week or so. He passed it on to me. I felt like death warmed up Monday morning. My child free day was spent in bed not because I want to but because I had to FFS
 

Monday afternoon I went to pick Devil Spawn up from Daycare. I was walking to the bus stop and my thong broke. I went dick up and then had to hobble across the road with no shoes on FFS
 

I was running late to the bus stop and say the bus go past me. I saw a woman standing at the stop (my stuck up neighbour) I started to run and yelled stop. She ignored me and the bus drove off after picking her friend up.  The next bus was not for another 30 minutes and I felt like I was going to cough up a lung FFS
 

I finally got onto a bus, dressed like a bogan because I was shoeless. I also had to pick Devil Spawn up with no shoes on. It was Bogan-esque all round FFS
 

By this stage I was well and truly over the public transport system and I decided to give Papa Devil a call to get a lift home because where we caught the bus is across the road.  He left his phone at the other shop. He drove straight past us. I then had to deal with Devil Spawn tantrums about not getting to go with Daddy FFS
 

I had to wait another 30 minutes for a bus with Devil Spawn yelling at me the whole time FFS
 

This all happened on Monday FFS
 

The next two days were spent laying on the couch trying to nap while Devil Spawn destroyed my house.  I still don't have the energy to clean it all up. It looks like a toy tornado has gone through FFS
 

After two days of lazing around and feeling any better for it, I really didn't feel like cooking dinner so Papa Devil took us out for Maccas. It was quite possible that we received the worst customer service in the history of customer service. It really didn't make me want to leave the house again FFS
 

Thursday we finally ventured outside the house to Mums Group.  Devil Spawn acted like, well, a Devil Spawn. FFS (Lucky I have an understanding Mums Group)
 

On the way home from Mums Group the driver of the bus we caught decided he needed to flex his manhood and do a bit of road rage.  It shat all over my worst experiences of public transport. He tried to run a guy off the road. If you want to act like a dick, do it in your own car, not when you are driving a bus of people FFS
 

Did you have a FFS moment this week? Let me know in the comments so I don't feel so bad about whinging like a big skirt.
 

Well that's my FFS for this week. I'm linking up with Dear Baby G  so head on over to read some more FFS from the Blogosphere. 

Sand in your crotch

Yesterday Papa Devil, Devil Spawn and I went to the  beach.  I love going to the beach. It's free easy entertainment for Devil Spawn and it's super refreshing on a stinking hot humid day.  You know what would make the whole experience even better? No fucking sand.
Anyone who goes to the beach with kids will tell you that you find sand in the strangest places for the longest time afterwards.  It gets everywhere.  On everything.  IN everything. 
 

As soon as we tell Devil Spawn that we are off to the beach his little cheeky face lights up like a Christmas tree and that means we must go to the beach RIGHT THIS SECOND which would be awesome IF we didn't live a 25 minute drive from a decent beach. First world problems and all that.  We pack the car up, put swimmers on, take more towels than can sink a battle shit and load all of the sand toys in as well. 
 

Usually I don't get completely into the water, not wanting people to think a beached whale has washed up and have a full scale Greenpeace mission turn up at the beach.  Yesterday however I decided it was too stinking hot to do the usual up to my shins in the water and took the plunge (literally haha). Oh my I forgot how awesome it is to sit in the water and enjoy the waves crashing over you.  What I forgot was the salt encrusted hair (people actually pay to have their hair to be like that) and the sand in the unimaginable places.
 

 Devil Spawn had decided to roll in the sand so was covered from head to toe in sticky sand.  Papa Devil took him back down to the water to wash him off a bit before putting him in the car. Devil Spawn, like most little boys though is a giant magnet for dirt. He managed to fall over and cover himself in sand again.  We gave up at this point and just wrapped him in a towel.  There was fucking sand in all the fucking places. 
 

I thought I had managed to escape the sand in all the places, that was until I got home and took my swimmers off.  All of the sand from all of the places was in all of the places of my bathroom floor.  I had a nice bumpy, grindy fake tan from one end of me to the other.  There was enough sand to fill a small sandpit.  Like I said, it was in all of the places.
 

I would totally live at the beach if it wasn't for all of the sand.  Do you love the beach? Would you be happy to ditch the itching in all the places sand?

Up to my ears in shit and piss

Welcome again to the weekly fuck you that is FFS Friday.  I really love writing this post because it gives me an excuse to be a great big whinger.  Oh and I can't forge that it also gives me the chance to laugh at others expense!
 

I decided to be all resourceful and do a meal plan. You know to save money and shit.  Every time I decide to do that, I then decide that cooking is for losers and don't feel like making all of the things that I have meal planned.  I'm sure it's my inner rebel trying to make a last ditch fight for freedom.  All I know is that I still have a fridge full of food that I mostly haven't used. FFS
 

This week we started Toilet Training with Devil Spawn.  The first couple of days were good and I was feeling positive.  Devil Spawn obviously cottoned on that this shit was for keeps and decided on Sunday that he just didn't want to do it anymore.  I asked him to go to the toilet and his response was 'I did, the floor is toilet'.  Cue me telling him no he was a big boy and he needed to do his wee in the toilet.  His response: 'I not a big boy, I a dinosaur grrr'. Sorry buddy but even Dinosaurs have to use the bathroom in this house FFS
 

Devil Spawn goes to Daycare on Monday and Tuesdays so I can go sleep and lunch with the ladies.  Monday I took him in his little jocks (seriously how damn cute are little jocks) and let the girls know that he was toilet training.  I was pretty apprehensive after our dinosour episode the day before but I figured they were trained and shit so should be able to handle it.  I got there in the afternoon and he had no accidents! No FFS
 

Tuesday however was a different story.  I got to daycare and he'd had two accidents (not too bad for a guy just getting the gist of this toilet business) and they had put a nappy on him.  He still had a bag full of jocks and shorts so I have no idea why he was in a nappy. It kind of defeats the purpose of him learning and they were adamant they would be happy to have him toilet train. A little consistency would be nice FFS
 

Devil Spawn now has new ammo to add to his reportoire of sleep dodging techniques.  Coming out and telling me he needs to do a wee wee.  I can't very well tell him to just do it in his nappy because well that defeats the purpose and the crafty little bugger knows it.  So off with the pyjamas and nappy and sitting on the toilet while he fucks around wasting precious time that I could be spending on Facebook and eating things I've been hiding from him all day so I don't have to share FFS.
 

The first 3 days of toilet training were spent with me telling Dyllan that his penis going in the toilet not pointing up.  So he would then ask me what I meant complete with actions.  This would then result in piss going everywhere and Devil Spawn acting like a giggling school girl FFS
 

Tuesday night I got all excited when Devil Spawn did a number 2 on the toilet.  I got all excited right up to the point when I walked into the bathroom.  Devil Spawn had decided to get all resourceful and wipe his own arse. With my towel FFS
 

That's my week of whinging in a nutshell.  What's pissed you off this week? Let me know in the comments. For some comedic relief head over to Dear Baby G to read everyone's additions to FFS Friday.

Kids say the darndest things

One of the joyous and possibly quite scariest thing about having a toddler is they start to learn how to talk and come out with the cutest and most cringe worthy phrases.
 

Devil Spawn already has sarcasm down to an art. I think it's awesome and considering I'm fluent in sarcasm, it was inevitable.  He most used phrase I think is easily 'alright' of course said with a sigh and eye roll.  This is usually after I have told him to pick up his toys for the tenth time in the space of an hour.  I wouldn't have to nag you if you did it the first time kid.
 

I think it's almost a right ofpassage for a toddler to drop the 'f' bomb at some stage.  Usually in public.  Recently while out at my parents Devil Spawn dropped it, and used it in perfect context.  I didn't know whether to hug him or yell at him.  What I did do was burst out laughing and attempt, in between fits of giggles to tell him it was naughty. 
 

At the moment Devil Spawn is convinced that everyone is a man.  We have many arguments about Mummy being a man and not a girl. Usually said with a sarcastic giggle from Devil Spawn.  When used in the safety of The Funny Farm it's pretty safe. When used on a bus not so much. It usually involves me hissing at him that that's a lady not a man and me receiving a dirty look from said lady.
 

Mispronunciation is pretty funny too.  Devil Spawn says dick instead of stick.  When said in the right context it gets a bit old school girl giggle from me.  His other mispronunciation though has the potentional to be a bit more mortifying.  When he says 'can't' it sounds an awful lot like a swear word used to describe the female anatomy.  Oh yes it's so awesome when we are at the local shopping centre and I ask him to to do something and he yells at the top of his voice 'I c*nt'. Oh yeh that.
 

His favourite phrase at the moment is 'begusting' aka 'disgusting'.  I use the term to describe the things up his nose that he refuses to let me remove.  Devil Spawn prefers to use it to describe food that he is served.  I don't mind it so much when its about noodles from the local noodle place (hey more for me) but when he uses it to describe the food I serve up, then shit has just gotten real. 
What are some pearlers that your cherubs have come out with? Do you cringe every time they open their mouth in public?
 

I'm linking up Jess with this week for IBOT. Click on over and read the great offerings the blogosphere has to offer.  Share the comment love and enjoy your day!

FFS Friday 19 October 2012

 At first thought I didn't think I had enough for a FFS Friday but after some deep thoughts while washing my locks I realised that there were a few things that pissed me off this week. Well they do say that all of our best thinking is done while in the shower and on the toilet ;)
 

For the duration that I have been living at Funny Farm my shower has been shite.  I just thought there was a water saver head and put it in the too hard basket.  I got DP to have a look at it last weekend.  There was no water saver head. The pressure is just shite.  Now I am forever going to have to stand under the shower for an eternity to wash my locks FFS.
 

This week while having a child free day I was enjoying some television that was in cartoon when this little snippet turned up. http://www.2dayfm.com.au/entertainment/the_dirt/blog/video-guys-gone-skitzo/20121015-hf6h.html  Using a mental illness to describe something is NEVER cool. Ever.  There is a theasurus for a reason. Use it! FFS
 

DS has turned into a know it all.  He will ask me a question then say 'No'. Don't ask me the question if you already know the answer kid FFS.
 

On Wednesday a couple of friends and I took our kids down to the beach for the day.  We went early to get as much time as possible at the beach.  Turned out it was high tide so there was no beach.  FFS
I got all "I'm more fit that I think I am' and decided to walk from the beach to DP's work.  In the stinking heat. Pushing 20+kg worth of toddler and pram. Mostly up a hill.  I think I saw my life flashing before my eyes a few times. About half way I was dying of thirst and busting to go to the toilet at the same time.  The rest of the way felt like an eternity FFS.
 

I forgot to put sunscreen on both DS and I. We both got burnt.  I remembered to put sunscreen on DS on Thursday morning before going to Mum's Group but forgot about myself. I got reburnt. I feel like a giant lobster FFS

For the first time in weeks I was asleep, soundly before midnight AND got to sleep in until 730am.  I got 10 hours worth of solid sleep for the first time in I have no idea how long.  I also woke up this morning feeling more tired than I have in weeks. It isn't supposed to work like that FFS.
 

I do my online grocery order on a Thursday afternoon.  The only spots that were left were the dearest spots.  I kept forgettting about it so I could only get night time spots.  It really is a first world problem FFS.
 

What's pissed you off this week? Leave your FFS in the comments then head on over to Dear Baby G and read all about other peoples FFS Fridays.