Christmas at Hicksville

It's been a long time (2007 maybe) since we have had a giant family Christmas. A falling out between mum and her brother, and growing cousins moving away means that it's harder to get everyone together.  This year though, it was decided that differences would be put aside and a family Christmas would be attempted. It had the potential to being a giant fight fest, or a raging success. Thankfully it was the latter!
 

After wanting to just stay home this Christmas, we changed our plans and traveled 600kms to spend it with my family.  I am so glad that Devil Spawn is a good traveler, it certainly makes the trip a lot more smooth.  Although in his boredom he did come out with some doozies...including exclaiming that we needed to be quiet and listen as his toes were screaming. 

 Our accommodation was a little on the rough side.  The owners had put something in the bins, and the rotten smell wafted over to our cabin and infested the toilet that we had to use.  It was hard to sit on the toilet and hold your breath but it was a skill I had just about perfected by the end of our stay.  Boxing day saw us witness a good old fashioned outback storm. That is lots of noise, wind and not much else.  The wind knocked over a tree that came scarily close to our car.

   Christmas Eve was started with our once upon a time every year tradition. Dinner at my aunt and uncles pub.  The only difference being this year I could indulge in the vodka too! It seemed like a good idea at the time...until we realised that we would have to walk back to the caravan park, with a very tired Devil Spawn in tow.  The upside to it all meant that our Christmas Day didn't start until 930am, when he woke up!
 

When my Mum's family gets together there is always the potential for a water fight, a food fight or both.  This Christmas was no exception.  Thankfully there wasn't much dip in sight so there was no food fights.  Have you ever had french onion dip smeared across your face and up your nose? The smell seems to linger for days on end.  Especially if you get a chunky bit of onion stuck right up your nostril and you can't get it out!

  So because there was no dips, that means only one thing...there was a water fight.  There is no wearing your sunday best to our Christmas and it's best if you put your smart phones away. I lost my phone in 2002 after being picked up and thrown in the wading pool.  This year, by some strange turn of events, all of us had bough my uncles kids water guns.  So there was about 8 water guns in use.  Add to that the 3 packets of water bombs and no one stood a chance. 
 

It was stinking hot on Christmas Day, so the water fight was definitely welcome.  Even better was that us adults just had to sit and the kids would soak us.  Not even Granny escaped being hit with water bombs.  My dad was prepared though and came in his swimming shirt.  We all laughed at him turning up in it...not when we were all saturated still and he was dry though.
 

It was a great day and we all fell exhausted into bed at 830pm.  From someone who struggles to get to sleep before midnight, it was definitely a good thing.  The airconditioned cabin certainly helped things.  Although on the third day it froze over and we had to turn it off...cue us sweating our arses off. 
 

Yesterday saw us heading off home again. It was 31 degrees when we left and when we got into town it was 36. I felt the suffocating humidity hit me almost immediately.  I'm still pooped but I am so glad that our Christmas went off without a hitch.

  How was your Christmas?

Wishing for my Christmas

The Blogosphere has been all a twitter lately with a giant game of Tag your it of Christmas Wish Lists.  The fun started with Essentially Jess

Today I got tagged by Ann from Help!! I'm Stuck!! 

So I am sharing my 5 Christmas wishes and passing on the linky love.

1. I still want one of those damn Kmart Slushie Machines.  Papa Devil thinks it's a stupid present but it's what I want dammit! Yes I did just stomp my foot like a pouting toddler.
2. A maid and a chef.  I hate cooking and cleaning equally...that is with a passion.  It's also less self esteem crushing when Devil Spawn calls someone elses food 'begusting'.
3. A bigger house would be awesome to go with with the maid and chef..you know cos I don't have to clean it.  I'm not greedy, I don't want a mansion, Just something with a third bedroom and lots of cupboard space.
4. A bottomless vodka would be nice.  Of course with an endless bottle of lemonade to go with it.  Maybe one of those fridges that dispenses ice, but instead of ice it dispenses vodka.
5. Family holiday without and shit happening would also be nice.  Time to just relax and be us. You know...not having to meet anyone elses demands.  That would be bliss.

Now for the fun part! Tagging some awesome Bloggers for their Christmas Wishlist.

1. NessofBoganville 
2. RoboMum
3. Dear Baby G
4. Fat Heffalump
5. The Bumpiest Path

What's on your 'money is no object' Christmas Wishlist?

Tasty Summer Treat!

*The following post is a review of Smooze Fruit Ice.  I received 8 products to test and give my thoughts on. All opinions expressed in the following post are my own. No monetary compensation was made for my opinions.*
 

I was super excited when I was contacted to review the Smooze Fruit Ice products.  It has been stinking hot here lately and I was pumped to try out a new frozen treat.  Upon receiving them, they promptly went into my freezer.  I think I checked them every couple of hours to see if they were frozen yet haha! I'm not sure if it is my dodgy freezer but they seemed to take a bit longer than normal ice blocks to be completely frozen. 
 

 When reading all about Smooze Fruit Ice, the first thing that stood out to me was that they are dairy free.  With allergies on the increase, it is so refreshing to see companies making yummy treats for those who can't indulge in dairy ice cream.  "Smooze Fruit Ice is made with a base of coconut milk, with real fruit added to create four delicious flavours – Pineapple + Coconut, Pink Guava + Coconut, Mango + Coconut and Simply Coconut.  Available in boxes of 10, Smooze Fruit Ice doesn’t need to be frozen all the time, making it a convenient addition to the pantry all-year around."
 

I have to admit I was a bit worried that with the Smooze Fruit Ice being made with coconut milk, I thought the coconut flavour would be quite strong and overpowering. I was however pleasantly surprised and they offered a sweet refreshing treat on a hot afternoon.  They were  a definite winner with Devil Spawn who devoured two in one sitting.  That's the great thing about them, they are small enough for little hands to handle.  The thicker cardboard packaging also means that they aren't too cold for little hands to handle. 
 

 In my package of yum I also received a few drink recipes to try with the Smooze Fruit Ice.  The breakfast smoothies weren't overly appealing to me but when I saw a Mocktail recipe I just knew that I had to try it.  Turning it into a Cocktail of course.  It was delicious and hit the spot after a long day of toddler wrangling. 

Tropical Mocktail
1 Coconut + Pineapple Smooze Fruit Ice
1/2 can Passionfruit Pulp
1 serve of Sugar Syrup *see note
1 Handful of Ice
 

Method:
In a blender mix together Smooze Fruit Ice, Sugar Syrup and Handful of Ice.  If you are using Icecubes from your freezer then I suggest smashing up the ice before blending otherwise it will take forever to chop up the ice. 
 

Pour mixture into a glass of your choice (or in my case plastic cup because I have a toddler and we can't have nice shit when he's around) and mix through Passionfruit Pulp with a spoon.
*Note: Sugar Syrup is made with 3 Tablespoons of brown sugar and a dash of water, enough to make a syrup consistency.
Add alcohol of your choice. I used vodka and I was yum! I think Malibu would go nicely with it as well.

 

 Smooze Fruit Ice doesn't need to be frozen at all times, so makes a great addition to your pantry.  In my local Coles I found them in the same aisle as the Ice-cream cones and toppings.  The media release I received stated the RRP as $6.49 AUD for a box of 10.  I went into Coles this morning to suss them out and found out that they are $5.99. Score! I love them so much I went and got my own box as we finished off the products we received yesterday.
 

They will definitely be a feature in The Funny Farm's Summer this year!
 

What's your favourite thing to eat or drink on a hot day? Have you tried Smooze?

My life would be different

It's Thursday again (phew where are the weeks going???) and we all know what that means right? It's Reader's Choice Thursdays.  This week I did things a little different and created a poll on my Facebook Page for readers to choose.  The winner this week is:
My life would be different if I'd never met...
 

This topic really took a lot of thinking.  I have so many wonderful people in my life that I wasn't sure who to write about.  So many people who have made an impact on my life, impacts that are both good and bad.  I decided to stick with the good thought and chose to write about one of my best friends. 

When I was growing up I always had friends, but I needed my space. I couldn't handle being in close quarters to anyone for too long, it would drive me crazy.  I don't really keep in close contact with any of my childhood friends.  I am Facebook friends with them and occasionally catch up when I am at my parents but that's about it.  I wasn't the easiest person to be friends with when I was a teenager.  More so than most teenagers.  I was bat shit crazy for most of it.  Once I finished school, we didn't really hang out much.  We all went our separate ways and started our lives. Me...I was hellbent on ending mine.
 

Fast forward to 2007 and a near fatal OD. I was in a coma for 3 days, in ICU for 4 and then transferred to the Mental Health ward when I stayed for a month.  Two weeks into that month I met my best friend.  She was very standoffish at first and I've often told her I thought she was a cow for the first couple of days she was in there.  Slowly the ice started to break and we took great delight in pissing off the nurses and other patients. 
 

She's been there for my ups and my down, down lows.  For the first time I have a best friend who I tell absolutely everything to. She is the only person who knows everything that goes on.  Most of the time she knows more than Papa Devil about the way I am feeling. Why? Because she knows what I am talking about.  For the first time I have a friend who 'gets' it.  Self Harming isn't easy to deal with.  Having someone to talk to who knows the desperation you feel when you need to cut, that it isn't all about attention is so valuable. 
 

We've now been friends for almost 6 years and still as close as ever. We speak most days, usually sending each other hilarious memes to describe our days.  My life definitely wouldn't be the same without her.  Sure I could ask for a more normal friend but where's the fun in that ;)

FFS Friday 16th November

Friday! Yay! FFS time! Yay! This post really is my favourite to write.  While not so fun experiencing it all at the time, it's so simple to write. I also love reading everyone else's posts and laughing with (ok you got me AT) them about their FFS moments of the week.  So here we go....
 

I had so much FFS that I decided to start writing them down on Sunday FFS
 

On Friday I (stupidly) took Devil Spawn with me shopping for a party dress. He ran around the shop while I attempted to dodge the stares of the very impatient sales assistant FFS
 

The dress that I went in for, wasn't available FFS
 

I couldn't find what I wanted so had to submit to asking the impatient sales assistant for help. FFS
 

What she picked out actually looked great NO FFS
 

I spent a small fortune on said dress. The straps broke after wearing it for an hour FFS
 

Devil Spawn lovingly passed on his gastro. Which decided to rear it's ugly head while I was at the clubs. Throwing up in a club toilet is never classy FFS.
 

I was at home, in bed, completely sober at 1230am I continued to vomit most of the night FFS
 

Papa Devil looked after Devil Spawn all day Saturday so I could sleep it off. NO FFS
 

We were all in bed by 730pm because we were all so exhausted. Which was lucky because Devil Spawn decided that 3am is totes a cool time to wake up for the day. FFS
 

Tuesday morning Devil Spawn woke up covered in a rash. We spent 3 hours at ED while he was climbing the walls FFS
It was an allergic reaction...to something FFS
 

They were gone by the end of the day. NO FFS
 

He woke up the next day covered again in the rash FFS
 

I did 5 loads of washing to wash all of his bedding and our clothes because my washing machine is shitty and only lets me do half a load FFS
 

He woke up again on Thursday covered in the rash FFS
A friend and I walked to and from Mums Group this week. It was stinking hot. I'm unfit. I nearly died FFS
 

That's my week of FFS. What's pissed you off this week?
Linking up with Dear Baby G head on over to read other peoples FFS moments and maybe feel a little better about your week.

The REAL affordable gift guide.

Now that we are on the countdown to the fat man visiting, it's time to start thinking about what to get our loved ones.  Or the people you have to get gifts for.  I've seen a few gift lists getting around already but I haven't found one that is in the budget of struggle street.  I couldn't give Devil Spawn the gifts I do without the joys of Christmas Layby.  For everyone else, I usually do a mad dash in the month before Christmas by trying to find shit that is cheap but doesn't look it.

For the Devil Mama:

Retro Slushy Machine, Kmart: $39

As soon as I saw this baby in Kmart I knew I had to have one. So I could share with the whole family. Ah hell who am I kidding, my first thought was 'Woo vodka slushies'.

Slushy Magic, Big W: $14.86

Slushy without the mess? You had me at hello. This bad boy would be great for more vodka slushies.  Nom nom nom

Mighty Peep-Toe Heel, Target: $50
I love a hot pair of heels. Sadly they do not love me.  I would buy these just to walk around the house in!

A6 Patten Journal, Typo: $6.95

 It's no secret that I love notebooks. When Typo opened up near me I nearly wet my pants with excitement. It was a porn shop for the stationary lover.  I could spend hundreds in there. Then my bank balance kindly reminds me, calm down fuck head you haven't got enough money to buy all the things.

For the Devil Papa

West Tigers Jersey, Best and Less: On sale for $40
Devil Papa is a mad West Tigers fan.  I usually buy him something footy related for Christmas. Last year him and Devil Spawn got matching footy shorts. They look a bit cute.

Dogfight Double Gift Set Spitfire MkVB/Messerschmitt Bf109-F 1/48 Airfix from Mega Hobby: $29.74

Devil Papa loves making model airplanes. In fact he loves all things war planes.  This is definitely a go to gift for us.  It's something that he will use and he enjoys.

Galway Pipe, Dan Murphy's: $29.45

Devil Papa loves a good drop of Port.  Me personally I think it tastes gross. This is his favourite kind, so it's an easy, inexpensive gift.

 

Gifts for the Devil Spawn

Hot Wheels Colour Shifters, Kmart: $15

I always wanted one of these when I was kid. So of course what use is having a kid if you can't live through them.  No doubt I will get sick of picking up the pieces after a week but it will be fun while it lasts.

   Despicable Me, Kmart: $13

This movie never gets old. Even after Devil Spawn watched it 4 times in a row while I was sick.  Sadly our copy has died so this is on the wish list.  One of my favourite things to do on Christmas Day after stuffing yourself with too much food is to lay around and watch a movie. So I try to get Devil Spawn a DVD in his massive Christmas Haul.

Rectangular Family Pool, Big W: $30.

Australia is known for it's stinking hot climate.  Rockhampton Christmas Day is usually no exception.  There's nothing better than getting rip roaring drunk and lounging around in the kiddies pool. Best thing is that this can be used by the whole family.

What's on your Christmas wish list this year? Do you leave your present buying to the last minute or are you super organised and have it all done already?

 Note: This is not a sponsored post I just really like all this stuff.

Girls night

This Friday night I am doing what every girl needs every now and then. I'm having a girls night out.  You have no idea how much I am looking forward to it.  Nothing beats letting your hair down sans kids with your closest girl friends.
 

I'm doing the preparation for it now because having a child has bought out the need to have everything organised days in advance part in me that was always laying dormant. I whipped out one my new notebooks and started making a list, checking it twice all that shiz.  Like I said I am super excited.
 

It got me feeling all stiff in the pants about past nights out and I started looking through old pics.  Oh the shame but oh there was so much fun had in making all that shame!

So with that I decided to share with you all my girls night adventures in picture form. Have fun and let loose baby!

 No girls night out is complete without the drinks before going out. You know because drinks at clubs are so damn expensive.

Screw cups and straws. They're overrated.

Occasionally I'm a laaaaady and use a grown up glass.  

Motorboating always makes the night much more fun.

It's not a night out clubbing unless you take at least one selfy in the toilet.

Then of course there is the morning after where you check out your wounds.  These are usually caused by the fact that the only time you wear heels is when you go out once every 6 months.  Of course you've never worn the shoes before and you will always get a blister.

Do you enjoy a good girls night out? Or maybe a boys night out? Are you long overdue for one?

Beautiful? Who me?

I got massive surprise this afternoon when I logged on to see that Ann over at Help!! I'm Stuck!!   had tagged me in a super cool Beautiful Blogger Award.  So what does that mean? It means you lucky bastards get to find out cool interesting facts about me. Yep little ol' me.

This was my first thought when I had to think of something to say

 image here

I guess I should stop dicking around though and get to the important stuff.

1. Despite my tough exterior and my best efforts to not look all sissy. My favourite colour is pink.  There I said it.
2. My favourite movie of all time is Rocky Horror Picture Show. I could watch it over and over again.  Then once more just for good measure.
3. When I was in school I wanted to be a teacher. Now I am glad that I am not. My mum works in a school and the disrespect through stupid rules she gets is disgusting. It's something that I would really struggle with. Especially having to watch that I don't hug a child who is upset for fear of retribution.
4. I'm supposed to wear glasses when I am on the computer or reading.  I'm too lazy to go get them so I just squint at the screen instead.
5. I am a notebook-a-holic. I love buying new notebooks, even if I don't have anything to write in them.  In fact today I bought 3 new ones.
6. I love looking at storage stuff. If I had my own house each room would have different kinds of shelves and cupboards.  I could go nuts in a storage store. Sadly my bank balance gets in the way.
7. I really struggled to think of 7 interesting facts so I asked a friend and her answer was just say you're awesome because that says it all haha

My latest notebook haul

Now for the fun part! I get to bestow the honour of Beautiful Blogger onto some other awesome peeps!

1. Good Golly Miss Holly 
2. Edenland 
3. Dear Baby G 
4. Random Ramblings of a SAHM 
5. MagnetooBoldtoo 
6. Where's My Glow 
7. Wanderlust 
8. Help!! I'm Stuck!! 
9. Parental Parody  
10. Woogsworld 
11. Confessions of a 30 Something Woman 
12. Cup of Tea and A Blog 
13. Love Life and Hiccups 
14. What's in Emma's Brain 
15. The Things I'd Tell You 

No pressure to join in just thought it would be a bit of fun on a Friday afternoon. Enjoy your weekend!

FFS Friday: I really could go on forever

On Friday I decided that DS needed new clothes for Daycare.  DS decided it was time to really extend his horns even further.  He screamed on and off for two hours. Head butting me a couple of times. I could feel the judgement searing my skin.  How about a little compassion FFS
 

On the way home I decided a carton of UDL was needed.  I turfed DS out of the trolley so that ther was room for the carton.  He repaid me by crawling along the ground and barking like a dog. So here I was pushing my trolley of grog while being followed by a barking toddler FFS
 

I got down to the taxi rank and thought I had hit the jackpot because there was already a taxi waiting and no one in sight who wanted it.  Turned out he was an arsehole with no common courtesy.  I get that he doesn't owe me, but after I just spent $10 for him to drive me across the road, the least he could do is give me a hand. No instead he sat on his arse tapping the steering wheel while I struggled out with my 5 shopping bags, oversized bottomless pit (aka handbag), carton and a still tantruming toddler.  I would have gotten out quicker if you helped arsehole. FFS
 

DP and his son went fishing.  DP got home at 530am.  He stripped off and threw his pants on the floor.  His smelly fish covered pants.  That wasn't the end of it though. The next night we went out for dinner. He riffled through the clean clothes to find something to wear.  The clothes fell on the floor.  Fast forward two days and I am folding up the washing.  What do I find? DP fucking smelly fish covered pants in amongst the clean washing.  I had to rewash the clothes.  My washing maching is tempremental and only likes to wash at half a load.  It's only 5kg to start with.  It took me all fucking day to wash clothes I had already washed on Saturday.  FFS
 

DP had the genius idea that it was my washing mashine being not level that was causing all of the issues.  I made it level and it didn't make a difference so I changed it back.  DP knew this.  He decided to ignore it and adjust the feet on the washing machine.  Feet that need a shifter to readjust. A shifter that I don't have.  I did a load of washing tonight.  I had to go in every 5 minutes during the spin cycles as the washing machine is so out of balance, the clothes kept gathering on one side and stopping the cycle.  Why don't men listen FFS
 

What are some things that have pissed you off this week? Check out Dear Baby G to see more FFS stories

Looking back....

Lately I have been thinking about how far I have come and all that other crapola, thinking about what used to be.  Of what would have been.

Would things have changed on their own if I hadn't been forced to suck it up?  Or would I still be floundering in nothingness, spending my money on booze and not much else?  Today I wouldn't care.  The half bottle of vodka sitting on my bench is looking mighty fine to me right now.  The thing stopping me is that I'd probably fall asleep on the couch after one drink.  Oh yeh I'm a party animal today.

In my thinking about the past I decided to peruse my old livejournal (all the cool kids had one back when I was a teenager oh yeh) and see what was going on over there.  Phew what a crazy fest that was. It was full of the normal teenage angsty stuff and some surprisingly deep stuff too.    

Well after having my 50th car thrown at me as well as a bowl of chips looks like that vodka is gonna win today after all.