I still feel like a child playing dress up

Over the weekend a parody hashtag was created on twitter called #fakemamamia. I personally thought it was hilarious. It bought together many like minded women who weren’t afraid to laugh at a situation and who realised that being a mum wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops and shit.  What was created from this hashtag was Unreal Women. The start of a woman's online mag that was breaking the norm. Until the mainstream got a hold of it.  Sadly it’s over before it even began. All over a typo. Seriously.  Death threats were sent. Seriously.

Where I am going with this is that the following post was a submission I made to be included in the mag. The mag is no longer going ahead but I wanted to help tell it’s story.  To show the damage that can be done.  

I'm 24. I have been living out on my own for the last five years. Yet I am still waiting for someone to come along and tell me they caught me out, that I'm just pretending.  I don't feel like a real grown up.

When I was little I always loved bags. I still do and get a new one every couple of months. If my bank account allowed it I think I would get a new one every month.  One thing I always dreamed about when I was little was that I would have enough 'stuff' for a 'proper' handbag.  You know all the 'grown up' stuff that we see our mums stuff their bag with.  I now have the oversized handbag, complete with all the stuff. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

I always buy organisers when I get the chance. I love stationary and have way too much of it.  The diary is another thing that I saw as a 'grown up' thing.  I couldn't wait to be old enough to fill it with all of the activities I would do. All of the appointments I would be attending. The outings I would be invited to.  I have those things. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

As a female, the go to present is smelly stuff. I have enough lotions and potions to sink a battle ship.  I wear perfume every day. It's another thing that I equate with being a 'grown up'. You have places to be so you need to smell pretty.  'Grown up' things.  I still feel like a child playing dress up.

I always had a large collection of hand me down make up when I was growing up. I would sit in my room trying on different colours.  When I feel like being 'pretty' I put make up on. Sometimes it's for a night out. Other times it's to just do the grocery shopping.  I use foundation, mascara and lipstick. I'm not particularly good at applying it. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

Growing up I would fantasize about making my own home. I would think about all the stuff that I would buy and fill my house with.  I would picture all of the things I would use to decorate and how I could finally be able to display all of the ornaments I had collected.  I have all of that. I have so much stuff. My house is set up into a little home. It's not perfect but it's mine. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

Unlike other little girls, I never dreamed about having kids. They just didn't factor into my future plans.  I now have a 3 year old son.  He depends on me for everything and loves me to death. I teach him things without even realising it, I'm moulding a little human being. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

My whole life feels pretty surreal to me most days. I try not to think too far ahead or I get overwhelmed. I do things my way. Not everyone agrees with it, but I speak my mind.  I might feel like a child playing dress up but I'm an adult who's learning to cope in the big bad world.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.