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I still feel like a child playing dress up

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

I still feel like a child playing dress up

Over the weekend a parody hashtag was created on twitter called #fakemamamia. I personally thought it was hilarious. It bought together many like minded women who weren’t afraid to laugh at a situation and who realised that being a mum wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops and shit.  What was created from this hashtag was Unreal Women. The start of a woman's online mag that was breaking the norm. Until the mainstream got a hold of it.  Sadly it’s over before it even began. All over a typo. Seriously.  Death threats were sent. Seriously.

Where I am going with this is that the following post was a submission I made to be included in the mag. The mag is no longer going ahead but I wanted to help tell it’s story.  To show the damage that can be done.  

I'm 24. I have been living out on my own for the last five years. Yet I am still waiting for someone to come along and tell me they caught me out, that I'm just pretending.  I don't feel like a real grown up.

When I was little I always loved bags. I still do and get a new one every couple of months. If my bank account allowed it I think I would get a new one every month.  One thing I always dreamed about when I was little was that I would have enough 'stuff' for a 'proper' handbag.  You know all the 'grown up' stuff that we see our mums stuff their bag with.  I now have the oversized handbag, complete with all the stuff. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

I always buy organisers when I get the chance. I love stationary and have way too much of it.  The diary is another thing that I saw as a 'grown up' thing.  I couldn't wait to be old enough to fill it with all of the activities I would do. All of the appointments I would be attending. The outings I would be invited to.  I have those things. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

As a female, the go to present is smelly stuff. I have enough lotions and potions to sink a battle ship.  I wear perfume every day. It's another thing that I equate with being a 'grown up'. You have places to be so you need to smell pretty.  'Grown up' things.  I still feel like a child playing dress up.

I always had a large collection of hand me down make up when I was growing up. I would sit in my room trying on different colours.  When I feel like being 'pretty' I put make up on. Sometimes it's for a night out. Other times it's to just do the grocery shopping.  I use foundation, mascara and lipstick. I'm not particularly good at applying it. I still feel like a child playing dress up.
Growing up I would fantasize about making my own home. I would think about all the stuff that I would buy and fill my house with.  I would picture all of the things I would use to decorate and how I could finally be able to display all of the ornaments I had collected.  I have all of that. I have so much stuff. My house is set up into a little home. It's not perfect but it's mine. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

Unlike other little girls, I never dreamed about having kids. They just didn't factor into my future plans.  I now have a 3 year old son.  He depends on me for everything and loves me to death. I teach him things without even realising it, I'm moulding a little human being. I still feel like a child playing dress up.

My whole life feels pretty surreal to me most days. I try not to think too far ahead or I get overwhelmed. I do things my way. Not everyone agrees with it, but I speak my mind.  I might feel like a child playing dress up but I'm an adult who's learning to cope in the big bad world.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

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10 Comments:

At 20 November 2012 at 06:25 , Blogger Catherine Rodie Blagg (Cup of Tea and a Blog) said...

I really enjoyed this and totally relate. I sometimes look at my children and wonder how an earth I got to this stage in my life when I still don't feel like a grown up! X

 
At 20 November 2012 at 06:49 , Anonymous Ang said...

I fell pregnant at 25 and still felt overwhelmed that I was to young and starting a family when in fact this was my ideal age to start a family as I wanted to finish having children by the age of 30. interestingly I too often feel like I am a child playing dressups. I really enjoyed this post.

 
At 20 November 2012 at 06:50 , Blogger Kim-Marie said...

I am staring down the barrel of my Big Four Oh My Gods and I am still waiting to feel like a grown up. If the average lifespan is 80, then I'm officially middle aged. But I still wear hairbows and laugh at fart jokes. Last night, at 5.30 pm I started cooking honey soy chicken, reheating rice and cooking veges. By 6pm, I was doing the dishes, having had a shared meal with my son in between. Apart from the fact we obviously eat too quickly, how grown up is that?!

Lovely post x

 
At 20 November 2012 at 08:18 , Blogger Rhianna SG said...

I thought the whole #fakemummamia was pretty funny as well. I missed most of it mind you and sadly couldn't think of my own to join in with. What I didn't like about it though was the way it really drew a line in the sand and created a them and us feeling. Which drives me crazy. We are all women and we all have similar battles, not necessarily the same but not always that different either. It hurts my feelings when some insist on segregating and isolating others just because they can.
Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses #teamIBOT

oh and I too feel like I am only playing at this grown up gig!

 
At 20 November 2012 at 08:19 , Blogger ann said...

I wonder if I will ever be a "grown up" too. Great post.

 
At 20 November 2012 at 08:30 , Blogger Me said...

I saw the #fakemummamia tags on the weekend but didn't realise that it had turned into a hoo haa ! How silly.
What a great post. I have a 20 year old daughter and sometimes I still feel like I am playing dress up. And then other times I look at my life and I wonder how did so many years pass so quickly and where did they go to ?
Have the best day ever !
Me
#IBOT visitor

 
At 20 November 2012 at 10:59 , Blogger Jess Myheartisyourhome said...

I always feel like I am playing pretends every time I check the mail or go grocery shopping! It is such a surreal feeling isnt it!

 
At 20 November 2012 at 18:50 , Anonymous Housewife in Heels said...

Lovely read. I wish I felt like a child playing dress up x

 
At 20 November 2012 at 19:31 , Blogger Francesca Writes Here said...

I completely understand how you feel. I've been feeling less that way since I had my third child, but sometimes I have to stop and think, hang on, I'm in my thirties now and I have three kids - this is real?!

 
At 20 November 2012 at 20:16 , OpenID hopefulraeofsunshine said...

I've been married for nearly a year now and living with hubby for nearly 4 years yet I still feel like I am playing house...like i'm not really a grown up so I completely loved your post and understood it xxx

 

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