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Musings of the Misguided

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Oh dear lord why a knife

Today was my first session with my new case went pretty well.  She seems a bit stand offish but says that she doesn't really want to read my SIX volumes of psych history which is a relief.

One of my biggest worries with new case managers has been that they will see the 'borderline' diagnosis which I don't think that I fit anymore and automatically put me in the 'too hard, too needy' basket.  Maybe this woman will be a breath of fresh air.  Maybe I will regain some trust in the public health system.

I think that Mini Man has quite possibly taken on my distrust and dislike of the mental health system.  Today for the SECOND time he came out in my first appointment with a case manager wielding a knife.  Oh how I wish I was fucking kidding.  Luckily both of them have had kids so know how 'curious' they can be.

Mini Man loves cooking and making stuff (shout out to his future wife/husband: 'you're welcome') so anytime he gets the chance he goes right ahead.  So this afternoon he was making himself a banana smoothie and was chopping up the banana to put in the blender that he had set up (he's only 2 for goodness sake).  He has also made Major Man 'breakfast' one morning while he snoozed on the couch.  This involved chopping up some onion and putting it in a fry pan, then trying to place the fry pan on the oven.  

It's not child labour if they volunteer for it ;)
Luckily I'm grey already or this kid would send me grey!

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Thursday, 20 October 2011


I'm stressed...when I stress I revert back to old habits.  Habits I thought I had kicked.  Habits I am not proud of.  Habits I don't speak of....until now

When I started this blog I wanted to be open and honest in creating a snap shot into my life...even if that is always sunshine, lollipops and all that other fucking shit.

My first port of call in the stress express is retreatment...retreating into myself and having no motivation or energy to do the everyday tasks.  

Second stop is 'negative coping mechanisms' a lovely term for 'shit you really shouldn't do'.  Since having Mini Man cutting hasn't made an appearance on the stress express but other mechanisms have.  Hello getting plastered aka social norm coping mechanism.  Then there is not so social norm coping mechanism.  Binging and Purging.

Since starting this challenge I have really struggled to keep myself in check.  After downing multiple laxatives for weeks on end, going cold turkey was fucking hard.  The urge to binge has been ever present and today I gave in....gave in bad.  It's a good thing I have no laxatives in the house.  

I'm trying desperately to keep myself in check and not let my emotions get the better of me.  I'm sucking it princess....

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Monday, 17 October 2011

Here's a scary thought....

On the weekend I learnt a few things about the food I 'love' and just what it takes to burn those 'loves' off.  I also learnt that a good rest is vital for walking up a mountain....a hangover is not.

So this.....

I also discovered that if I want to enjoy my Grand Angus with Large Fries then I need to do a hell of a lot of exercise to stay in front and still lose weight.  A Grand Angus and Large Fries is worth 1085 I did a pump class and walked 6km while pushing Mini Man and burnt 1248 cals....Scary isn't it.

Equals the same calorie intake as:

Scary isn't it....

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Wednesday, 12 October 2011

The wait is on.....

Image from here
It turns out I am rid of the sleeping case the wait is on for the next one to come along.  All of my case managers seem to get moved along which makes me think they are just scraping the bottom of the barrel to give me one.

I had intended to notify my doctor of my case managers strange habits but he beat me to it with news that she was going to work elsewhere.  A big sigh of relief went through me.  Now she is someone else's problem.  I pity them and hope that their problems aren't in need of a case manager that is more dedicated to their job.

That appointment was 2 weeks ago and I am yet to hear a word from my 'new' case manager.  No wonder there is so much mental illness in this world, if this is the level of care that is the 'norm'.  If you can't afford private health care then you are stuck with the luck of the draw that is the public health system.  Oh and you would want to be holding a knife to your throat or someone else's if you have any hope of getting inpatient treatment in this town. 

I'm not cynical I'm just being realistic.

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Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Thin people exercise too

As I've already stated quite a few times I've recently started the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation (4 weeks in to be exact :O) and I've had a few aha! moments while doing it.

By far the biggest aha! moment has been 'even skinny people need to exercise'.  When we 'diet' most of us have this hidden misconception that when it's all over and we are looking hot we can just go back to how we were living before but still keep our svelte bodies. WRONG!

Some people I know have had comments made to them about 'why do you need to exercise when you are naturally thin'.  Someone might be naturally thin but no one is naturally healthy and that is what exercise and healthy nutrition create.  Exercise isn't all about losing weight, it's about getting healthy and preventing health issues as we get into our later years.

It doesn't matter what your size is you should exercise.  Remember thin doesn't automatically equal healthy and overweight doesn't automatically equal unhealthy either.  A healthy lifestyle is the only true measure of wellness.

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