Blame Game

The trouble when you have to do a life cull is that you really notice the shitty behaviour of people that you surround yourself with.  It makes you wonder what on earth possessed you to become friends in the first place, to allow these people into the inner sanctum that is your friendship circle.
 

Over the last few months I have been conflicted about an issue. An issue that I have talked at length with friends and family about.  An issue that just won't go away.  An issue that stares me in the face every single day.  That's the trouble with living in a town where everyone seems to know everyone.  This issue looks me in the face every time I look at Devil Spawn and think what could have happened.  How I wish that I had done things differently that night.  Woulda, shoulda, coulda. Something that I am struggling with immensly is that MY son was placed in danger but I am being painted the bad guy.
 

I am protecting my son from influences that I do not want him in contact with but I am being painted as dividing a family.  Devil Spawn is not an adult, he needs to be protected.  Contrary to what others think, he was not able to consent to the situation he was placed in.  The adults in the situation had the choice to go anywhere else and do what they did, instead they chose to do it on my son's bed, while he was asleep.  I don't care how intoxicated they think they were, what they did is wrong.  I am not to blame.
It's amazing when someone does something wrong that their friends take on a mob mentality.  The internet allows this to happen. It's easy to get caught up in the ebb and flow of a situation.  Ease of access to the internet means that it's hard to escape it. It can be in your face constantly.  The trouble with a mob mentality is that there is always one person singled out. I have been witness to this over and over again. It was only when it happened to me that I noticed the effects it can have on someone.  Hindsight can be a bitch. 
 

When we do something wrong, the adult thing is to apologise. To realise what we did wrong and apologise. Unfortunately not everyone thinks this way.  Some people enjoy playing the blame game.  It's something we do as children, but hopefully, by the time we are adults have developed enough morals to apologise when we realise we have done something wrong or we are pulled up on actions that are offensive to others.  The trouble with the blame game is that it doesn't help anyone, especially you.  It doesn't help anyone move on, and more often than not it alienates you from those around you.  Accepting what you did and concentrating on not making the mistakes again is sometimes all that you can do. 
 

However sometimes there is nothing you can do..some people have what I have coined the 'Victim Syndrome'.  If there is anyway for them to play the victim, they will take it and run with it.  I have talked before about how me being suicidal and not on correct medication led to me holding up a chemist.  At no point did I say that what I did was right. I realised and still realise that what I did was wrong and that I was very lucky to get the sentence that I did.  I work to make sure that I do not get back to a place where I feel that desperate again.  I try not to just lay down and admit defeat because I have a little person who is relying on me to keep going.