Tainted

Does having a mental illness cloud your judgement forever? Or does it just cloud people's judgement of you forever? Does it effect the way that they see your decision making skills? Is every decision you make tainted?

'Everyone' (whoever that is) says that 'aren't your mental illness', 'it doesn't define who you are' but it's hard when every decision you make they wonder if its the 'illness' thinking or if it's you.  Nothing you ever do will be free from that thought.  So while you spend years in therapy learning to distinguish the difference between you and your diagnosis, 'everyone' else still can't see the difference.

Some days I ask what the point in all that work is, if it's not going to change anything? If every time you feel sad, angry, hurt then it must be the 'illness' talking.  Everything is blown out of proportion or lack of.  Your reactions aren't simple reactions, they must be the 'illness' talking.  Your every reaction is a overreaction. You're just being 'crazy'

My thoughts have always been like this....it just took physical actions to bring them to the fore front.  Now everyone is always on the lookout for 'signs' that aren't there.