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The waiting game

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

The waiting game

It's 40 minutes until my mental health case manager gets here.  The house doesn't look like a complete bomb site at least.  I don't know what to say.  How do you really describe the inner turmoil and have it validated?  How do you describe it so that they understand?

I just don't know where to start.  I just let it spill out last night to Major Man.  My post yesterday wasn't completely accurate.  I don't like Mini Man to go to daycare because I don't like him, its because I don't like the person that I am becoming and the more time he can spend with happy people the better.  If that means that he has to go to daycare then so be it. If that means that at the end of the day that mummy is a happier person then screw what anyone else thinks.

If I can spill this all on here for 'everyone' then why can't I say it to the people who 'matter' you ask.  Its because I have to look at them, its because I have to see them again.  Sometimes its easier to just dump and run.  Its harder to face facts.  Its harder to admit that even though everyone thinks you are doing so great that its not the truth.  To say to someone 'hey I need help here'.  I just don't want to bother anyone.  I just don't want to be the 'broken' one anymore.  I don't want to let anyone down.

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